Hibernation

Thanks for Listening

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:17:00 +0000

It's time to take an extended break (as if I've really been diligently blogging regularly). Yesterday it was snowing (at least it was on TV during the Pats game) here in Massachusetts. So old man Winter is trudging our way. Coincidentally my beloved has urged me (actually has been urging me for quite some time) to write down my experiences I have had while travelling this particular Spiritual path I've been on (meandering anyone?) the past eight years.

I have decided to devote whatever time and energy I have left after running my business to this project. It will be a book. Probably short. Most likely humorous, all about Love & Redemption, sprinkled with mysticism and rebellion, boy meets girl, lots of driving, and transformation - not necessarily in that order.

Hang in there if your jonesing for more info (or gawd forbid more blogs). I hope to emerge from my self imposed hibernation when the snows have melted, the trees begin to bud again, and the warm sun has returned. Until then...

Thanks for reading. Blessings.

J

War of the Sons of Light against the Sons of Darkness*

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:01:00 +0000

Please pardon the intrusion, it is Michael here. I must apologize for my brother Uri – he is at times intrusive and lacking the proper decorum for one of our kind. Some call him edgy and vulgar. I myself see him as young and impulsive.

His view of the human he has been mandated to protect is somewhat inappropriate. We normally do not discuss our humans lives in public, and least not in a such an open forum like what you humans refer to as a “blog”. I must admit to a tinge of embarrassment in what is being openly shared amongst you humans these days over cyber space. With the simple entry of a mere word an entire world opens up at your fingertips. What is this portal called? Giggle? Oh, no, Google. It’s as if “knowledge” is dispersed from an unauthenticated source yet is received as gospel (if only the real gospel was heard again). If you desire an opinion on any subject (or person for that matter) you only have to type it in and hit send.

It is my wish to return this forum to its rightful author. Uri is not happy about the loss of his cyber pulpit. However he has more important things to do and has agreed to return to his duties as guardian angel for Jamie.

Please excuse my forwardness. However in this moment I’d like to ask that you place your attention on the present state of your planet and its occupants. Just see what interactions are occurring between the humans; experience the vibrations of humanity. Are they calming? Is there less divisiveness? Less war? Less hunger? What is happening right before your eyes? And what part do you play? What role do you take on or not? What choices do you make and how do they impact your life? Your world? What kind of impact are you having on the Earth? Do you side with the Light?*

In any case these are simply questions. Not meant to inflict judgment or even a point of view. Just respectfully asking while I have your undivided attention. Again, my sincere apologies if I have offended in any way (and of course for Uri’s behavior).

With the greatest love and respect,

Michael

Guardian Angel Blues: Part Two

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:07:00 +0000

Hey Uri here again. So that was interesting. This blog got WAY more attention since I took over the writing duties from you know who – mister CTD (crash test dummy) himself – laymo Jaymo. What is it with that kid? Moaning and groaning all the time about wanting to be a writer, and how he is stressed out from work and has no time whatsoever to sit down and put his “enlightened” thoughts on paper. As a matter of fact he’d be much safer if he was at his desk and not running around trying to be Evel Knievel. If you added up all the time in plaster casts and getting stitched up he could’ve written a War & Peace size memoir. Sure would make my job a whole heck of a lot easier if he was sitting still…

So Mike, Gabe, Rafe, and I were Skype-ing each other last night around 3am when our humans were supposedly sleeping. That’s the only time we can rap about stuff. Skype is a friggin’ godsend (from where else?). We don’t show up on the screen cause of course we can’t be seen in this realm – but we see each other no worries. Anyway, we were kinda getting’ philosophical about shit, which is by the way not really our style. We’re more blue collar, meat and potatoes cats and this is sort of a problem when we get all sensitive and misty eyed. The heady, “spiritual”, cosmic, woo-woo crap is left up to the Big Guy (well Big Gal really, but that’s a WHOLE nother blog – shhhh, it’s kinda a secret). Truth be told we’re a bit worried about the humans. Nothing we could really pinpoint but just a hunch ya know?

We wuz talking bout roots. Not ours cause we got wings not roots, but the humans roots, both the physical connection to this planet, and the inner connection to the heart. Ahhhhhhhhh maaaaaan, I’m sorry it hurts to even write like this. I’m getting soft in my immortality. I swing a big bad ass sword cause it feels freakin’ cool and I love cuttin’ shit up – not cause I’m so do gooder. Anywho – I’ll press on. From where we sit (pretty sick view BTW) things on planet earth have gotten a wee bit tweaked. Back in the day it was wooden clubs, a cozy rabbit loin cloth and out running gnarly mastodons. Basic shit right? Now it’s gotten all techy and disconnected from the planet and more connected to each other than ever before. That’s sketchy when you get 6 billion humans all instantly connected to one another. Human beings in groups bigger than 4 are bizarre and this time they are living in is the most inter connected ever.

And in all the acquisitions of “things” the humans are losing heart – or at least their ability to check in and listen to what their heart is saying. Intellect is a beautiful thing in balance. But in the many millenniums I’ve been saving dumb asses like Jamo I’ve noticed that those humans who live connected to their inner world seem to be WAY happier than those ones chasing an illusion on the outside. The by product of which is we are having to step in front of a lot of bullets and damn those things are fast. Way easier when knuckleheads threw rocks at each other, or arrows which btw never ever flew straight. When some guy pegged his enemy with an arrow it was like he won the dang lottery…oh nevermind. I’m digressing.

Listen peeps. Just take a moment to look down at your feet. If you can find a patch of real ground. Take your shoes off (brilliant invention BTW) and wiggle your toes around. Feel this planet under your feet and say ahhhh. What do you humans call it? Oh yeah, Mother Earth. That’s an interesting way to treat poor ol’ momma. Now take your hand and place it over your heart (CENTER of your chest FYI) and feel the drum beat. Yup, that’s your heart pal. Connect to it. Make it your home cause when that baby stops beatin’ it’s curtains Mugsy.

Take a moment to realize you’re one fragile mo-fo living in a very fragile world. Best enjoy each little teenie tiny moment. That’s my advice. And I’ve seen some crazy shite in my day.

Gabe calls me the Prophet of Doom & Gloom. I’d like to think of myself as a loving messenger just delivering the mail.

Anybody home?

Later gator-

Uri

Guardian Angel Blues

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 14:52:00 +0000

Hi. Jamie has taken a break from his blog and I’ve decided to fill in for him. I am his “guardian angel”. Call me Uri.

Look, I just want to take this opportunity and this forum to get some things off my proverbial chest. First off, we get no respect – I mean zip, zero, nada. People love to talk about their “angels watching over them” like it’s some fluffy namby pamby occupation complete with big lovely wings (like that stupid John Travolta movie) and Bach concertos playing soothing soundtracks and the entire deal Oprah approved. Bullshit. It ain’t like that at all.

It’s dark and nasty and nitty gritty stuff. You all only hear about the humans who die. And don’t get me going about the repercussions of letting your “assigned”* human expire – baaaaad, baaaaad, baaaaad is all I can say. The boss hates when we f-up and let a human die. Usually it’s cause we went for a smoke, or grabbed a café latte or something – I mean we need a break too…but I digress.

*There is one G.A. assigned to a human per lifetime (includes twins, sextuplets etc. Feel bad for dem angels)

You never hear about the billions of near misses every moment of every day. The ones most humans aren’t even aware of. Of how ridiculously close human beings come to being taken out each moment. If you only knew…which is another bone of contention for me. On what planet is anyone required to work 24/7? Not one moment of taking a breather, watching the game on TV, taking your honey for ice cream? Not to mention sleeping. Oh, and those humans who “die in their sleep”? Yup, somebody made a boo boo. Took their eye off their human and wham. Done. Dead. Happened to my buddy Mike just the other day – 2 am went to check his email and left this guy snoring peacefully. Came back not 5 minutes later – freakin’ guy is stone cold. I tell ya it’s a thankless full time gig and I’ve about had it!

Take Jamie my human for example. Not a bad kid but christ almighty (sorry boss) that guy shoulda been tattooed with the crash test dummy symbol. From the word go right outta the womb this joker has had me on full alert. He must be part feline since he has been forever trying to leave this earth (by the way cats really do have nine lives since they’re so stupid – they’d be “one and done” otherwise and then there’d be no more little puddie cats roamin’ the planet…yippee!). He loves to think of himself as a warrior who has survived many a battle and lived to tell the tale. And oh I just loooove the way he embellishes his stories like as if he had anything to do with staying alive. Remember that cliff he launched off of? What an idiot! Thirty-five feet and lands like he’s on a feather bed. Guess who he landed on? ME!!! Then this last incident with the car? Oh man. He slams into a 2010 Toyota on his little carbon fiber bicycle and is walking around joking with the EMT’s like he’s a friggin’ hero. Then he even takes pictures of the huge dent “he left” in the front quarter panel of the Toy. Guess what? Yup, that’s MY DENT!! I mean this kid is a train wreck. He looks like a tom cat all scarred up and those are just collateral damages – anyone of those scars could’ve been lights out Charlie. How about all his motorcycles? No he can’t just have a nice little Vespa scooter something cute and safe, he’s gotta go get that nasty black Speed Triple monster of his and ride it like he’s invincible. Who’s sittin’ on the front fender on high alert at all times? Me of course. ME ME ME!!! Oh I’m really getting steeped now.

I’m considering staging a walkout. I mean if guys who unload trucks have a union why not us? We could then be organized and go on strike, lobby for better working conditions, maybe a little paid vay-kay? Fifteen minute breaks morning and afternoon, lunch break. Eight hour shifts. Pee breaks. You get the idea. That would certainly help the “overpopulation” problem you humans are experiencing if we only worked 40 hours a week. And maybe people would think twice before taking us angels for granted. Maybe never even leave your house. Hummm. I might have to bring this up with Ari and Mike and the guys at our next meeting. But it’s nearly impossible to coordinate our schedules…what a bummer. And besides….

Oh crap there goes Jamie on his skateboard…I gotta fly peeps, thanks for letting me rant and rave. I feel a little better. Though barely.

Just remember next time you step off the curb, even though you look both ways, I’m looking all ways…

Later gator.

Uri

Life: Italian Style

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:05:00 +0000

This morning I woke up feeling just like I have the entire past month. Dog tired (even after eight hours sleep) and lacking the morning fire I’m so accustomed to. I could feel my frustration build as I mentally scrolled through all that I have to do today. It got even worse when I visited a couple of projects we have going and saw things either not moving fast enough (according to me) or done the way I wanted (again, according to me). Ahhhh. Yet again another beautiful day off to an ugly start. I mean obviously all the ugliness is inside of me as the rest of the world is clearly oblivious to my inner turmoil. That’s cool.

So I stopped by the Atomic Café for my morning cappuccino (yeah, yeah, I got it rough huh?) which Andrew so generously gave to me no charge. That was the beginning of a subtle shift inside me. Mellissa was bopping around behind the cash register and I could feel the energy just crackling off of her as she greeted customers as if each one was her favorite person in the world. Her effervescence was in direct contrast to my lethargy. Two meteors heading in opposite directions, fast. I was sick of falling. I went outside to make a few phone calls and sit in the sun.

A familiar face came up to me and mentioned how he had met my son Nick (who works at the Atomic now) and what a nice young man he was. He also spoke about his trips to Italy over the years and how surprised he was to hear that Nick had spent two years in Assisi. We spoke for some time about the beauty of Italy. I shifted slightly again.

After finishing my calls and coffee I went back in to the Atomic to talk to Andrew. Another familiar face came up and said he just got back from three weeks in Italy. I asked him why he came back. He laughed and said everyone asks that same question. He is a painting contractor in town and he said since he came back home he decided to work every day until noon and then take the rest of the day off. He said whatever he gets done by noon is all he gets done – the rest will be there for him the next day to deal with. Another shift inside me – this one bigger. I went outside somewhat altered and got on my motorcycle and headed to the lumberyard.

I was talking with a friend while there and another friend I had worked with on a crew years ago came up to me and asked me how I was doing. He said I seemed pretty stressed out yesterday when he saw me expressing my frustration over a previous lumber delivery that was missing an item. The way he said it made it seem really out character for me to be so agonized over something so insignificant. Shift. Shift. Shift. I laughed and said if he ever sees me like that again to give me a slap to remind me to relax. He chuckled and said he’d be happy to.

Now I’m in my office writing this blog – the first inspiration in almost a month. And truth be told I have a ton of shit to do that I’m ignoring to get this feeling down on paper (cyberspace). This is what I saw in the first few hours of my morning. Ready (like ready for the punch line)?

In the mastery of me I have forgotten how to master. In the continual funk that I claim to be the result of my construction business, my unhappiness not being filthy rich and my lack of total leisure time to absolutely do nothing if I so choose, I have lost sight of what is. I have perpetuated the belief that the only way I will EVER get it done is by sheer force of will. By trying to control things that don’t need controlling. By wishing things were different to point of making myself miserable. I got a reflection of Jamie today that was pretty unsettling. What happened to that guy who is free in every moment to choose and decide? What happened to living my Dream as if it is my Dream to live as I want? Why is there bitterness creeping into my world? And why do I keep looking for a different result doing the same thing over and over again? Master smashster. That’s such a set up when I see how right now I feel like I’m in canoe on a river and I have no paddle and no way to do anything but sit and float downstream. Guess what?

This morning I found a paddle. This morning I found Italy. You know what I saw about myself? I react to things from a place of tension. Sure things will always show up, no doubt. Especially in construction. Especially in LIFE. So how do I want to make myself feel? Agitated? Depleted? Frustrated? Sure that’s easy. But what if? What if I said I’m going to pretend I’m living life Italian style? Taking things as they come. Stressing less about all that I have to get done, and doing what I can each day. And being good with that.

Here’s the big one; what if I actually enjoyed myself regardless of how much energy I have (or think I should have), regardless of the weather, the progress of the job, the mistakes, the beliefs I have about “how things should be”…what if I actually enjoyed the Dream as is?

What if I said to myself the minute I open my eyes in the morning: “it’s another beautiful day on the planet earth and I’m here to enjoy all of it”. And I do mean all of it.

Hummm. Ok I can try that. I mean why not? Beats the alternative…si?

Nella vita - chi non risica - non rosica…
(In life: who risks nothing - gains nothing)

Ciao baby, ciao!

J

Have You Hugged Your Awareness Today?

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 00:11:00 +0000

Food for thought that a friend Lee McCormack passed along the other day. How aware are we? What is the reason for our being here? Thanks Lee for sharing this.

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007.

The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again..

10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing?

Indeed. Exactly how many...?

Thanks for taking the time.
J

When the Stars Align

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 01:36:00 +0000

I was speaking with one of my new (favorite) clients the other day. She was asking how my son Nick was doing. I was explaining how wonderful it was to have him home after spending two years in Italy. She could sense and feel my enthusiasm and love while talking about Nick. She then offered how some years back her grown children were living in close proximity to her and her husband and how happy she was about that.

She then said, “Isn’t it wonderful when the stars align?”

That got me to thinking about that feeling. The other night Megs and I were sitting at the dinner table having a meal with my mom, Nick, and Bodhi. I looked around and felt this deep satisfaction seeing the ones I love so dearly gathered together in one room sharing space and time and food together.

I never had quite experienced that sensation. It was so special and warming.

That’s what my client meant by the stars aligning (which she conveyed as much energetically as verbally). It is often a rare thing to have everyone you are close to nearby. Before you know it we have all changed, grown deeper into Life and gone our separate ways.

The stars are continuing to align so very nicely in my world right now. Business is very good. My Dream is sweet and as icing on the cake my brother arrived with his family for a week’s visit.

Pile it on then, I can handle all the dessert Life wants to send my way. I can deal with the stars being lined up and shining down my way.

May they align in this very moment for you too.

Yes!

J

One More Wedding Bell Ringing Clear

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 22:23:00 +0000

Aries March 2001

For some time I've had a vision for an initiation ritual called Self-Betrothal, or a wedding to oneself. It seems often that we seek out highly committed relationships in an effort to complete ourselves, when we really need to do this completion work on our own, though surely with the support of friends. Before such a joining to oneself, ideally there would be a time of preparation, perhaps a year akin to engagement, involving vision questing, counseling and learning life skills, culminating in a rite-of-passage in which a person essentially marries himself or herself in a ceremony attended by their community. The "ego" and "spirit" would be joined as one entity; the "self" and "higher self" would, through ritual and learning, be brought into one awareness. My idea may be some time from manifesting, but for you, this is a powerful time of joining to yourself, of allowing what is above, what is below and what is at the center of your heart to merge in sacred matrimony.

One more relationship gone sour, one more heart broken. One more horoscope to ponder. This one came at such an opportune time, a portents of things to come. Five months later I was at a place called Omega wondering how to totally shift my Life.

In a matter of five days it happened. There were some characters involved. A little Mexican man. A Queen of Desire. The Four Angels. And a short dark haired woman who used to watch me shoot hoops on our lunch breaks. She saw the light burning inside of me. There also were some experiences almost unexplainable. Small Deaths. Magical happenings, openings, cracks in the belief system, mysteries of the Heart. Leaps of Faith. Letting go's of the Terrible Shoulds, Could Haves, What Ifs, Why Nots, How Comes, and then...BOOM! The boy done exploded into a million shades of light...ahhhhhhhhhhh.

But the best was saved for last. The Wedding Day. A Ceremony of Oneness. A merging of love into LOVE. A leaping into the Unknown Unthinkable Ultimate wedded BLISS.

That one simple horoscope could not have pegged it any better. It was time. "It's TIME" as Ricky would say. It was time for sure. Time to start walking and talking the same language. Moving from the place of, guided by the place of, breathing from the PLACE OF THE HEART EMOTION, the fearless crystal clear river of knowing...

And when I can't hear anymore, when all the noise fills my head, I go inside, swim through the bullshit and find that place.

The place where the sound of one bell, then many bells, take me Home.

Hey! It's your wedding day. I DO!

I did.
J

Marriage Proposal 101

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:33:00 +0000

Oh I am feeling blah blah blah and have nothing to say but I'm SO tired of seeing the last blog stare me in the face every time I open my website. I decided it would be fun to open the folder on my computer called Writings & Ramblings and see what I discovered. It's a major copout but so what? It's my party and I can cry if I want to. Here's what I uncovered and it instantly took me back to that moment in time where Life leaned down and patted me on the head and said, "good boy".

And the rest my friends is history...

Well dear friends, it’s the year 2003 and frankly Miracles still do exist. A wedding is in the works and the two lucky contestants are J. Meghan McChesney and J. Jamie Gilroy. The Universe in all of its infinite wisdom and unending humor conspired to unite these two souls (for better or for worse) in a lovely display of Serendipity.

As a testament to what is possible when one shrugs their shoulders and says simply “can a brother catch a break here?” I supplicated the benevolent Universe to bring me an answer to my question – “am I destined to be alone in this Life (SWM single dad seeking Irish American Princess)?” Not hearing anything and being incredibly impatient I chucked myself into the unknown abyss figuring the answer may lie there, or in lieu of an answer a good adrenaline rush would suffice. Well imagine my surprise when Meghan appeared right before my very eyes (her face too all contorted by the G-forces of her own abyss free fall). I was like, “hey what are you doing in my Dream? Wanna get married?” I saw my minimal chance and pounced on it… Anyhow she claims in the rushing of the wind she heard “Isn’t San Diego a lovely city…?” And of course she answered “YES!!!”

The rest folks, is history. Being a good little Toltec, Meghan is being impeccable with her word and is honoring her answer of "yes" to whatever my question was. As a result, we are to be married of the 30th day of the fair month of May in year 2003. We would love it if you could join us in a wonderful celebration of love, laughter, and wild tribal dancing. If you can’t please just send money.

I love you, and I’m sure Meg does too…

J. Jamie James Brewster McChesney Gilroy

From Nothing

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 00:12:00 +0000

I’ve been following the news like everyone. The King of Pop is dead. The Dream Angel for boys my age is gone too. The moonwalk is gone. The one piece bathing suit fantasy too. What is it when icons die? How do we cope? Where do we file that info? When a god dies, the demi-gods are filled with angst and fear. The common folk weep when their idol perishes; when great lights are blown out. It doesn’t matter if those lights were freaky, we still are drawn to them, mere moths to their brilliant celebrity…

So I’ve been watching Bodhi, my two year old. He is magnificently filled with so much life. He not only is growing fast, but absorbing everything and learning at an accelerated rate too. He is getting to be himself – a little bundle of personality. He is beginning to believe his dream. I love it. But sometimes I look at him and realize he came from nothing.

A sperm on its own is unable to create. An egg by itself cannot produce Life. Each depends on the other to merge and unify and begin the process of Creation. But really from nothing comes something. And how much does that something develop into a person, a personality? I see that with Bo – he is becoming a personality. It is beautiful to watch this process, but I also wonder at what point does the personality take on a life of its own? When does it just find its place in the world? Or does it need to continuously seek attention, constantly reinventing itself? When can talent or looks be enough? Or do we as mere mortals project our yearnings onto our “stars”, those “exceptional beings” and ask more of them to satisfy our own longings?

I mean all of us originally came from nothing. Are any of us greater or more talented or prettier or smarter than anyone else? Sure if you believe that. But that doesn’t change the fact that we all came forth from Life and eventually in death, return to Life.

And that my dear friend makes us all the same.

No?

Long live the King of Pop. Long live our favorite Angel. But please don’t forget where we all came from…

J

Romance: Part Two

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:17:00 +0000

Editors note: please re-read Part One again.

M: But some people would say that that doesn’t sound like real life.

J: Of course it doesn’t. What happens in real life? Someone gets cancer and dies. Someone rejects you because your thighs are too big, your nose is too short. It’s all these expectations and judgments. We’ve been conditioned to see that it’s the goal, it’s the end game. It’s what does it look like after the romance. How many people say, “Oh yeah, romance is great but now we are married? Oh, I am married with children. Driver carries no cash, his wife has it all.” You know there are all these little things that support the belief that the romance at some point ends. Everyone wants a fairy tale ending but doesn’t believe it. Or people say, “Oh, that’s just a Hollywood ending. That’s Hollywood. It’s make believe.” Well, guess what? Your whole life is make believe. Why wouldn’t you make believe it in that way? I am with my beloved. Each second that I am with her is like a pit full of honey, dripping over each of our bodies. Rose petals falling from the sky. Moonlit walks. Tenderness that is so unbelievably excruciating in its tenderness. Is that make believe? Some people may say so. For me, it’s my life. That’s how I live my life. And that’s how I plan to live my life to the very last moment. And that romance is not with something outside of me. It’s with Life itself. It’s not focused just on my wife or my sons or my dog or my friends who agree with me. It’s focused on the entire thing that’s called LIFE. That thing that is coursing through everyone of us, moving through every tree, every plant. Every animal on this planet is alive in that way and it’s romance. It is romance. So say whatever you want to say. Say it’s not possible. That it ends after you get married. It ends after you have children. It ends after you get divorced. It ends with the angry client, the estranged sibling, the disappointed boss, the shitty economy and your vanishing wealth, your family of origin, the other side of the tracks you grew up in, the color of your skin. No. It never ends. And I’m here to tell you that. Ever. Unless you say it does. Unless you no longer want to live a romantic life. Don’t you see we choose. No one does that for us. Sure we all have valid reasons for being miserable, for being so unhappy. The litany of reasons is both long and varied. But when do we say, “I want this now before I die.” What if we really understood how unbelievably short our time here is? Wouldn’t we spend every possible second seeking out the honey like a little bear cub? Some of you in the audience are most certainly wondering if this doesn’t sound like some ecstasy fueled fantasy. That I must certainly get angry, yell at the kids, wake up grumpy, have my bad days. Absolutely. But what I also do is remember what the ecstasy feels like and seek to go back there. What being out of Romance with Life feels like. Let me tell you this. It feels like crap. And the more I’m in that romantic place the better I get at getting myself back there when I fall of the horse. Sure it happens. So what? What are you going to judge me for taking myself out of the honey pit? Do you judge yourself? What if for once you didn’t? What would happen? Would the big ol’ Wizard of Oz be exposed? An old man pulling levers behind a façade? Nothing there substantial at all? The honey of Romance is what’s substantial my friends. I have no doubt whatsoever. Now where is your doubt? Where is your faith?

Close your eyes for a moment and just imagine the exhilarating feeling of loving yourself and everything outside of you so much that your whole being is shimmering and light. What about it? What are we waiting for…?

M: (sigh)

END.

Enjoy the sweetness.

Love to you all,
J

Romance - Part One

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 18:57:00 +0000

I have been in a bit of a funk recently. Blame the weather. Blame the dog, the toddler, the wife, the job, the economy. Whatever. I found this inspiration for my next blog in a folder on my computer desktop called Writings. Not remembering what it was I opened it. The following conversation was transcribed from a workshop Meg & I gave a few years ago and we were discussing what romance really meant. In reading it over the funk I’ve been in lifted like the fog on the harbor this morning – just burned off from the relentless shine of the sun. Sometimes I need to remind myself of what the hell I’m really doing here. I share part of this transcript with you now. Enjoy.

J: Do you see how romance is everywhere in life? Unless you are just are a hardened person, or a criminal, or someone who has been so abused by the dream of the planet that they are cynical. We aren’t looking for cynics. Ok, so they’re cynics. Go enjoy it, have fun with it. I am looking for the romantics of the world. Closet romantics. Those people who dream of their beloved coming to them and taking an orchid and stroking their entire body with that flower. Wearing a light cotton kimono, a Japanese robe on a hot summer night and feeling the thrill of their lover as they untie the knot that holds it together. And slowly that kimono falls and parts. And it’s like mystery. It’s like looking up at a starry night in the middle of summer and the mystery of life. Don’t you see that? And in the parting of that kimono and the touch of his hand on her hip. Romance. Right there. And anyone can have it! Large, small, white, black, fat, ugly, gorgeous. It doesn’t matter. Romance is not a physicality. Romance is an inner quality. And it’s how you look at it. Everything is romantic. Everything. The walk in the morning. The dog walk in the morning and the smell of the ocean and the caw of the seagull and the light breeze blowing your hair and you feel like life is making love to you. What could be more romantic than that?

M: But how do you teach that to someone?

J: You teach it by showing examples. How do you learn anything in this life? 2 + 2 = 4. How do you learn that? They show you. They give you an example. They write the number 2 and the plus sign and the next 2, the equal sign and the 4. There is great romance in this world. Shakespeare has written some of the most romantic sonnets. Things that will blow your mind. There are books – The Bridges of Madison County – people scoffed at it. Why? Because they are cynical. They don’t believe in romance. I cried. I bawled my eyes out like Richard Simmons when I read that book. Poetry. There is great poetry. Poetry that a book called These luminous Things and there are poems in there from around the country. Rumi. Have you ever read Rumi? I grow moist when I read Rumi.

M: You’re supposed to go hard.

J: I grow hard when I read Rumi. Listen there all these great movies. Don Juan Demarco. Watch that over. You teach people the basic thing that you are going to teach people has nothing to do with romance and has everything to do with them. Who’s going to give you the opportunity to be romantic? Am I going to wait for you to be romantic with me? No. I’m going to be romantic with every aspect of my life. Brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, when I look in the mirror I don’t judge what I see. I love what I see. That’s where the romance begins. So. You have to start with people and their beliefs about themselves. It does come back to that. But you don’t linger there. You don’t spend tons of time. You say, “Look it’s your choice.” You want to feel differently about yourself, then just try it. Humor me in the next two days during the workshop, I want you to just put it on like a mask if you have to and wear and believe in it. Don’t have any doubts and don’t worry about what happens when the seminar is over and you go back to your life. Just be right here, right now in this moment and take my hand and I will lead you on the most romantic journey of your life. Are you ready?

M: I’ll sign up!

J: And this is how you do it. And it’s like a virus this romance, think about it. If it spreads, think about the romance that will be going on all around the world. People are having romance with their pets, with their parents, with their friends, with their co-workers. Every moment for each person is a romance and it’s not what you think it looks like. It’s not always someone coming and saving you, for women, or the knight on the white horse, chivalrous, and strong. It’s not going to look like how you think it’s going to look. But I guarantee you with the eyes of the romantic, everything is romantic in this world. Everything. Standing on the stoop with someone that you are so attracted too. You’ve just gone on a beautiful date and you’ve had an amazing meal, great conversation, had a bottle of wine, and you just feel like you are full. Full of love, full of romance. And you walk her to the door and you take her right to the front door and there is that beautiful moment where you are pausing, she’s pausing. And you’re not wondering, “Do I kiss her?” You’re thinking, “This is such a beautiful moment. I want this moment to last forever.” And suddenly you feel each of your bodies leaning towards one another. Your lips reaching for the other’s lips and you kiss and that first kiss is remarkable. It’s like fireworks are going off. That can happen over and over again. I’m here to tell you it happens over and over again. And that’s all. You say good night then. It doesn’t have to go any farther. You stood in the moonlight on a cold fall night saying goodnight to this person you spent 4-5 hours with. And you give the gentlest, the tenderest of kisses. And your lips touch and they melt together and then they come apart. And in that coming apart is like when you take a spoonful of honey and that last little strand of honey goes into your tea cup. Do you see? That’s enough. You don’t have to go upstairs. You don’t have to rip your clothes off. All you have to do is see the romance in that moment. And that carries the next time you talk to that person. The excitement. The giddiness. The childlike energy that you are feeling in your body is beautiful. That’s romance.

And I'll tell you that we do diminish romance once we have obtained what we think our goal is. This is the key. We always think that the goal is to possess the other person, to have the other person, to have certainty that they want to be with us forever, that we want to be with them forever. They're the one. We're the one. Their in-laws are nice. My parents are nice. It's ridiculous. That's not the goal. The goal is to keep that moment, that kiss where you separate and the honey, the strands of honey between your two lips are pulling apart gently. That moment and I'm here to tell you this, that moment is pure romance, I've experienced it and I know it to be true. For me, it's true. That moment can exist permanently between two people

M: But some people would say that that doesn’t sound like real life.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Love,
J

I Promise You'll Be Enlightened in This Life

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 01:03:00 +0000

My oldest brother emailed me an article this morning about finding a spiritual teacher. The author of the article studied with Kalu Rimpoche a Tibetan Buddhist lama who passed away in 1989 at the age of 84. He was a very famous guru with many followers. Reading this article that was sent to me kindled memories of my own journey on the Tibetan Buddhist path.

The title of this blog was actually said to me by my guru at the time, Sonam T. Kazi. Or “Mr. Kazi” as the majority of his students or Sangha called him. (Sangha: group of followers of a particular teacher and belief system). The exception was a handful of “senior” students who had been with him since his arrival in the United States in the late seventies. They called him Sonam. Anyhow, I had been studying with Mr. Kazi for quite some time. Being a good carpenter and a faithful student I would spend almost every weekend of the year working on his property in upstate New York. After one particularly extensive project was completed he took me aside and smiling said, “I promise you’ll be enlightened in this life”. I was stunned by this comment. Having all of my faith (ok, Faith) wrapped up in the Dzogchen practice of Tibetan Buddhism, and all of my time and energy and beliefs also invested in this path that comment certainly got my attention. Here was my guru (ok, Guru) who we all (the Sangha) believed was the Buddha himself telling me, a humble carpenter, that I was going to reach that penultimate goal in this very lifetime. Wow! My mind in those days was still a mess of superstition, drama, limiting beliefs, and fear. Sure, I had glimpses of clarity but I was about as close to reaching enlightenment as I was to playing a round of golf on the moon. (Ed. Note: I hate golf.)

I was also very familiar with the trials and tribulations of millions of worthy (certainly even worthier than myself) seekers willing to wait for the next life or if not then, ten lifetimes in the future before being fortunate enough to accrue enough good karma to reach their final attainment. How could it be that I was to be singled out for this wonderful attribute? And how could another human being even guarantee such a thing?

“You have to do everything your guru tells you only as it pertains to your spiritual practice.”

What I discovered was there was quite a bit of belief wrapped up in that little dumpling of a blessing I received that day. And more than a garnishing of self importance. (Ed. Note: I have noticed the amount of self importance in oneself is about equal to the amount of insecurity in oneself). I certainly was operating under the assumption that this person, my guru, knew what was best for me, and knew the most expeditious way to the top of the mountain. In giving away all of my faith to him (Faith) I was also giving away my discrimination. The argument here goes like this: if your teacher is the Buddha himself, then what place do I as a mere seeker have for discrimination? Isn’t that what got me in trouble (see: lifetimes of suffering) in the first place? So in giving up my ability to make choices based in “how does it feel” and relying on “what should I do in the name of Realization” I followed post haste on the instructions given me. Not all of those directions were just based on my spiritual practice. Some were clearly mundane, physical and from my point of view then however, they were all designed to release my attachments to how I thought things should be. In retrospect I’m not so sure. Looking back on it now I felt like a leaf in a swift river.

Is this confusing? Maybe so. But it’s like this: I handed the keys to another human being and said, “you drive my life”. That was my choice since no one held a gun to my head. But I also saw how dependent we all became to letting someone else direct our movie. Certainly at the time I did not recognize that much of my compliance was based in fear; the fear of going against the Dharma, disobeying the Guru, letting down the Sangha, but in retrospect it was. Could another person really bring us to that ultimate destination? And what was that place really?

I came to see as the years went by that there are many teachers, guides, angels, lamas, gurus, yogis, friends, pets, ex-wives, and children who have SO much to show and teach us. But they cannot manifest Happiness inside of us. Yes, they can point the way. They can describe the view. They can inspire us to climb even higher. They can mop our brow and dry our tears and wipe the snot from our nose. They can hold us like our mother did. They can motivate us like our father did. They can break our hearts when we glimpse their humanity. They can show us enlightenment is in fact still chopping wood and still carrying water. Still cleaning a shitty diaper. Still making poor choices. Still stumbling and yet still dusting our sorry selves off and climbing onward. And maybe we learn along the way to be able to let the mind go and merge with our own Heart, the Infinite.

I look back on the ten years I tried my best to be a good chela (student). I see my teacher in a whole new light now 20 years removed from his feet. I look back on it all as one looks at the progress of a child learning to walk – a mixture of gratitude and wonder that they did and a feeling of I’m glad that’s over with.

Now I know how to walk. Am I enlightened as promised?

Hey, can anyone hear that sound of one hand clapping I keep hearing?

What?

J

Kung Fu Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 12:15:00 +0000

"Because a man can see, he does not look." — Master Po.

I’m sure most of you read about the passing of David Carradine recently. The details and speculation around his death were more and more revealing as the case went on, starting with suicide, and ending up as an auto erotic act gone awry. If you type his name on Google you will learn everything you never wanted to know about the man.

For me I will always remember him as Kwai Chang Caine the humble yet capable Shaolin monk. He was a Buddhist monk who kills the emperor’s nephew (for killing his beloved master – I know that’s being a bad Buddhist) and flees to America and the wild, Wild West. For the three years that show aired (1972-75) I was glued to the TV. I was 14 years old and idolized this character. He was gentle and soft spoken, yet always sublimely aware of his surroundings. When pushed he could diffuse a situation with a minimum of violence, and typically with his bare hands. There was no gratuitous bloodshed and over blown firepower like ninety-nine percent of what’s on TV now. Watching the show you always knew he would run into some heavies and there was going to be a showdown. Yet the way in which he used his skills had no ego attached to it. He always helped those less capable, and usually the underprivileged. He was also very cool. He grew his hair long. He played the flute and carried very little in the way of possessions. He wandered the western landscape in bare feet. He practiced his art form daily.

In fact I was hooked by the portrayal of this solitary monk wandering from place to place sowing peace and harmony. For me the desire to study martial arts and eastern philosophy had its origins in this TV character. How cool would it be to disarm a bad guy and be the quiet hero? What freedom to be able to go wherever you are called to go with no attachments. To meditate, to do tai chi by a flowing river, to never stay long enough in one place to put down roots.

Six years later I found myself doing my best to live this dream. I applied to a school called the Blue Poppy Chi Kung Association who according to their brochure “was dedicated to training Knights without armor”. Sign me up! So my buddy Val and I left NYC and headed to Boulder for the summer of 1980. I was 22 years old.

For an entire summer I ate, slept, and breathed the Caine dream. I walked around Boulder in bare feet, I practiced Chi Kung daily, bathed in Boulder Creek, and spared with Val on the lawn of the public library. I carried a wooden samurai sword on my back wherever I went and Val carried a wooden staff. We went up to the mountains and tripped on mushrooms. We danced and drank until the bars closed and then went to the all night diner and ate breakfast. We barely slept. We studied Chinese medicine with the founder of the school. We practiced kung fu by a flowing river, the occasional homeless guy wandering through our class and no one flinching as he weaved through the group. We stood for an hour in horse stance with our master, no one moving a muscle even to swat at a pesky fly or the master would yell at us. I know I tried my hardest to integrate this dream that was born years earlier watching a TV character that I fully believed was real. The truth is I was human too.

I left Boulder that summer to pursue a woman I had been living with in NYC who now was living with some older (28!) guy in Portland Oregon. There was some tension as word filtered back to my girlfriend that Val & I were hitchhiking to Portland for a showdown with her new boyfriend. In fact it was all hype. I think a bunch of pool furniture ended up in their swimming pool in a drunken act of defiance. I’m pretty sure Val had to fish it out by himself as I had driven off into the night to sleep off my hangover. Anyway.

My point is we are all human and the images of perfection don’t always synch up to what we live in the course of our daily life, or the choices we make in the moment.

David Carradine was not the TV character he played in 1972. In my mind he would have led a quiet contemplative life finally settling down and meeting a good companion. Maybe have a few kids. Teach them his art. Be the old wise man. Then fade away peacefully. Yet his last act was laid bare for the entire world to see.

Yes there is a tinge of sadness that a hero is exposed as human with real foibles. And yes there is another tinge of sadness that that young man that moved to Colorado with hopes of being the next Kwai Chang Caine put away his sword and put on shoes and found a job and pursued some kind of security.

There is no bad in that of course. I just wonder if the dream of who we might be and the reality of who we are will ever merge. Is it possible? Can the fantastic and heroic image and the everyday ordinary image blend together so as to lose the distinctions? Can we live the way we know how in our heart of hearts and satisfy both divisions?

Is there a way to live nobly? And to die nobly?

Master Po: Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Young Caine: I hear the water, I hear the birds.
Po: Do you hear your own heartbeat?
Caine: No.
Po: Do you hear the grasshopper that is at your feet?
Caine: Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
Po: Young man, how is it that you do not?

See you out there on the road, listening.

Peace.
J

Unconditional Love

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 20:51:00 +0000

I heard this phrase while sitting at a table at an outdoor café in Portsmouth NH a couple of days ago. I was people watching and relaxing after a few hours on the Triumph, and not really focusing on what was being said around me. It was a warm sunny day and lots of people were gathered in the main square. Out of all the various garbled conversations that were going on I heard this phrase “unconditional love” loud and clear. I have no idea in what context it was being used but I heard it as if the person who said it was sitting at my table. And that’s all I heard.

This actually happens a lot to me. I will hear a word in a conversation nearby or in a song while driving and listening to the radio. The way I see it the Universe, aka LIFE is dropping a hint, or maybe a simple reminder.

So what do these two big words mean? For me they represent the gateway to Freedom. A door to Happiness. Not necessarily freedom without responsibility. Or not necessarily giddy happiness. But in essence real emancipation from our beliefs and stories that keep us small and limited. The happiness is contentment really; being fine with “what is” – no matter what it is. Unconditional. No conditions to our direct experience of Love.

Love. That one all inclusive word that can heal, inspire, make whole, and transcend the petty.

More often than not I forget that I once signed up to live my life in unconditional love. And yet even in forgetting I remember even more how much I love this life one hundred percent. The sweetness, the challenges, the yearning, and the acceptance. I may not like what shows up sometimes. I may actually go into resistance. But just under the surface of those experiences there is deeper place I can go to. A feeling that is so powerful. A way of living that is so expansive.

What if?

What if our hearts pumped nothing but Unconditional Love?

What would that be like? What world this world be like?

Pretty cool I bet. Even cooler than it already is…

Later gator-
J

Tonight's Weather Forecast

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Wed, 27 May 2009 23:13:00 +0000

Look (for those of you who hold me to every day writing). It was a holiday weekend and I stayed far away from my office and hence my computer. Then I got sick from either:

A) some nasty bout of allergies (which up until now I have successfully avoided in my life)

B) some heinous on again off again lime-green-snot cold.

C) a weird flu which I will call the rodent flu (why further malign pigs at this point?) where my body temp was actually 3 degrees lower than it should have been. I call it the rodent flu because you feel like a rat hell bent on just surviving by any means necessary. (Ed. Note: NOT Hanta Virus)

D) All of the freaking above.

This past SaturdayI rode the mountain bike for 3 hours. Next day spent in bed. Had a great Memorial day with the family and a loooong ride on Speedy, next day in the office my head starting drooping at 7am and by 4pm I was asleep and I must have slept about 22 hours. Whatever, all life keeps going anyway. Nobody really cares besides so I don’t expect sympathy for slacking off and not posting any bloggishness…

So? Here it is:

Tonight...Cloudy with a 50 percent chance of rain. Near steady temperature around 50. East winds 5 to 10 mph.

Thursday...Rain likely. Near steady temperature in the lower 50s. East winds 5 to 10 mph with gusts up to 20 mph. Chance of rain 70 percent.

Thursday Night...Cloudy. Rain likely...mainly in the evening. Near steady temperature in the lower 50s. East winds 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 60 percent.

See what I mean? It's almost f-in June!!! Don’t mind me, I’m just a reflection of this wacky New England weather. Hey! Anyone got a job in Encinitas California? I can drink coffee, check the surfcasts, keep the bikes happy and write. $100k/yr and I’m in.

I do miss wearing flip flops 364 ½ days a year truth be told. That and the killer burritos washed down with a Pacifico at Las Olas…ahhh.

Ok, Ok. I’m going back to bed.

Love y’all.
J

Remembering As If They Are Gone

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Thu, 21 May 2009 21:01:00 +0000

I had a dream the other night. In the dream I was with some friends and someone asked me about my mom and I said she was no longer with us (don’t panic anyone – she is healthy as a horse and due to be around for at least another 80 years…). More than anything else though was the feeling of that emptiness knowing I could never just stop by her house and say “hey mom”, or ask her to come over and hang out with her grandson Bodhi and then have dinner with us. The enormity and finality of her being gone hit me like a sucker punch in that dream. I was shaken. And what I woke up to was how each moment I spend with her, each interaction is precious.

Really isn’t it that way with everyone? When was the last time you looked through the eyes of total adoration and appreciation for ALL the people in your life? The ones that stress you out, the ones that soothe you. Your beloved, your co-worker, your parents and siblings. The total stranger who just cut you off in traffic. And what about us. I mean you. Will you ever know how precious this gift called Life is? Do I? Yeah sometimes I do, other times I forget. But truthfully that awareness is always lingering just below my consciousness and doesn’t take too much effort to once again remember.

I recalled two things this afternoon before I dashed out of my cave (office) and met Meg & Bodhi at the beach. First, it has been almost 48 hours since my last blog (44 actually) and I promised to write each (and every) day. I know I lied. Get over it. The second thing I remembered is how 6 years ago I met a woman who took my world and gave it a good shake. I met my beloved. And I remembered today how much she means to me and how much I love her. The passage below is something I found while in a mild panic as I was searching old writings I could sneak past the blog nazi and insert as a recent post. I thought it was totally cool to dust this off and offer it up as a remembrance to live like one day we’ll be gone. Here it is. It’s for Meg, but really for us all.

I remember the day I moved from Encinitas to Escondido to join you on our path together. It was pouring rain. Normally I would be bummed about not only moving, but that it could possibly rain on moving day.
Remember when you’ve begun relationships in the past and there is a sign or a feeling that somehow this isn’t right, or meant to be, or won’t last – just a feeling so subtle as to be unrecognized? I always had this with other relationships at the beginning. I never saw it as it flew past. Eventually it would be the downfall of a relationship.

That rainy day in Escondido, unloading a large truck at the end of the driveway, while dashing an arm load of stuff to the garage, I remember a feeling that was strong, and new. It was a feeling that this was right – this moment, this experience, this choice of being with you, was just so perfect. I could see you through the big picture window, sitting on the couch in the living room, talking on the phone to a friend. You were watching me get wet. I was watching you stay dry, and in that moment I saw myself being so authentic, so full of life, and pleasure. I had no feeling that you should be helping, or a feeling of injustice at you staying dry while I worked. I loved that you were comfortable…

That was the moment I saw how completely different I felt with you, and how completely myself I felt. I knew our togetherness was right, was blessed, was in harmony…
I felt it then at the beginning, and I feel it even more now after almost 2 years (ed. Note – it’s six years pal). I am so completely in love with our life, our dream, our love, with me and with you.

Just like being soaked from the rain, each drop a blessing, each drop saturated with love.

I adore you Megzy, long time and right now.

What if you turn to someone right now after reading this and say “thank you’!!!

Thank you for being you and in my dream. I love you.

Sweet dreams to you.

J

The Reinvention of Me

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Wed, 20 May 2009 01:06:00 +0000

I promise to write each and every day.
I promise to write each and every day.
I promise to write each and every day.
I promise to write each and every day.
I promise to write each and every day.
I promise to write each and every day.
Etc. Etc. Etc. times 100. (that's for you Syl!)

Am I a liar or what? How can I possibly write each and every day? Is it possible? I have no idea. But let’s find out. It has been over a month since my last blog and I think I must have lost the handful of faithful readers by now. Or maybe I lost them long ago anyway. But listen I really am writing for myself anyhow. I love the clicking plasticky sound of my keyboard as I hunt and peck my way through this form of expression. It is music to my ears…

Symbols take shape into words and those words have meaning (we can only hope) and maybe even create a feeling inside as they are read. This is my intent and my way of saying something meaningful out of all the words that escape my mouth and have little or no meaning during the course of my day. I talk a lot in my line of work. I also write a fair amount too all in the form of email. That’s informational writing and the tone is most often lost in that very simple form of communication. Here I attempt to allow the words to convey more than the business at hand. Here the feeling of the message is what is important.

So what’s up you ask? Well it’s funny cause I’ve been thinking about how we continually reinvent ourselves throughout the course of our lives. Or maybe not. Maybe some individuals remain pretty much the same after a while. No major shifts no big “aha’s”. I don’t know how that’s possible but it seems to be the case with so many. But there is another tribe out there that always seems to morph into something new, a better version of itself. Or at least that’s the challenge. That’s what I want to talk about tonight – the ones who have found a way to keep it fresh.

Today as I was walking our dog back home I saw a young man turn the corner ahead of me and walk down the street. Some kind of strange recognition jolted through me. I didn’t know who he was as I’d never seen him before. But he was my build and had very long blond hair tied loosely in a ponytail. As I watched him walk away I had this eerie feeling I was watching myself thirty years ago. That earlier version of Jamie (long hair and all). It was mind altering to watch my former self and feel or better yet, know, what that early Jamie was like. Twenty-one years old and not a bad guy but also not all that aware either. And as I watched I could feel what living those additional thirty more years had done to my inner world. There was still a ton of fire no doubt but it burns slower now and is less combustible if fire can be that way. The love I have now runs deeper and is much less conditional. The dreams I have are so much more fulfilling than the ones that moved me thirty years ago. However in the watching of a former version of me I had so much respect for that young man and his uncanny ability to turn a pile of horse shit into a pony. To keep getting up off the ground to find a way home through the blackness of doubt and uncertainty, through the pain of heartbreak and disappointment. In some ways it’s about being a survivor. And that made me respect that younger me all the more.

I thought of all the self images I adopted to make sense of the world. All the masks I put on that helped me to feel like I fit in. The incarnations of me that were really simple strategies to cope with this thing called living. Being alive. But where was the “real me”? The authentic one? The one who no longer believed the mask?

Well duh, that didn’t happen overnight of course. This lovely gift called day in and day out, the good fortune to stay alive and keep getting a chance to see the sun rise and the flowers bloom and the babies be born and the world get smaller and people get more compassionate and the hum of humanity get more soothing and all the questions get answered and all the love increases and all the masks fall away…

That’s what I saw in the flash of a similar looking human to myself. And in all the reinventing of me I saw a link between then and now. That somehow it all made sense when I saw the younger me and felt the twinge of admiration for the path he took that got me here today. Remarkable, truly remarkable when you ponder it. Isn’t it?

So if you are feeling stuck go find an old picture of yourself. Stare at it hard and see who was it there that got you here? And how many reinventions along the way did it take. And how much can you love what you see. And how much can you love what you are.

Right here. Right now.

Later gater-

J

el sueño del amor

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:20:00 +0000

Last week we took a vacation to Sedona AZ. Not that we really could afford a vacation at this time. My business is extremely slow and I've temporarily laid off some of my employees. But we had booked the tickets months ago with frequent-flyer miles and were depleted from a VERY long hard winter, so we needed a break. Yeah, so that's the story anyway.

You could say that our Dream was in flux. And you could also say that Megs and I were stressed from all the busy-ness in our lives. Writing a book, raising a toddler, running a construction business - all these things are pretty much normal, but we had some unforeseen situations that compounded the stress level and in general Meg & I were acting more like business partners than co-creators of our own expansive reality as husband and wife.

For me I know that I was more and more in resistance to what I was experiencing, and consequently more and more stressed out. The more I tensed up I got, the less awake I felt. The more work I lost to other contractors who were underpricing, the more bitter I felt. In short I had lost my capacity to Love.

Now before you dear readers feel like I "doth protest too much" what with millions of people in similar situations, I have to say that until recently I have been pretty cool with whatever Life threw my way. But now I have become just pissy and cranky. That is until I went on vacation.

Distance from the bubble of our own particular dream can often give us a new perspective on it. Sedona did that for me. It took a few days into our vacation before I began to let go, breathe, relax, and expand. I took a break from the intensity of life here and in doing so gained another point of view. Or should I say rediscovered what I'm here for. Why am I here?

To love. Love. Love it all. And with love comes Gratitude. No matter what shows up - Love it. Sure when things are humming, the economy is good, money is flowing and increasing, it's easy to love. When there is no stress love is no problem. But when things get under pressure, the investments lose their worth, business goes bad, relationships get tested, love seems to slip away. Why? Isn't that when we need it the most?

While in Sedona I had the good fortune to borrow a beautiful motorcycle from my brother and best friend Rick. The bike is a work of art (07 black Kawasaki Z1000 for you aficionados) and Rick and I had some unbelievable experiences on his two motorcycles that week. Whenever I ride I get into this amazing state of freedom and bliss - it truly lifts me in a way that is unique. Rick was so generous in allowing me to take the "Z" whenever I needed to. On this particular day I rode across town to get a massage. After a wonderful hour and half of bodywork I felt open and peaceful. I rode up to this Tibetan stupa and sat for awhile and let myself go. Really just dropping out of my head and back into my heart. I got back on the bike and rode to meet Meg and Bodhi at the supermarket to shop for dinner.

As I was riding to meet them I passed a building that was empty and caught my eye. It looked like it once been a retail store of some kind. On the big picture window in large four foot letters was written the word "LOVE". That's it. One word. And that one word by total chance got my attention as I passed by. Love. What was I fighting? Who was I resisting? Why? What if I simply surrendered to that word. What if I gave all of my faith and doubt, all of my anger and joy, all of my bitterness and hope to that one simple word.

LOVE.

Because long ago I had a Dream of Love. In my dream I could be in a state of love no matter what or who showed up at my door. Complete and utter love. Why not? What do I have to lose? What is there to resist?

That is the reason I went to Sedona. To reawaken to my desire. To let go of my resistance. To embrace LIFE. The Dream of Love is calling.

Can you hear it?

J

Embracing the Unknown

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 01:17:00 +0000

For me St. Patrick’s Day came and went this year quietly and without a hangover. I know what that day means to so many and I support the celebration. To me that day has a different kind of celebration attached to it now. It is the anniversary of my marriage to Meghan. Well the first marriage. We did it three times actually over the next year. Anyone who truly knows me knows I love weddings so why not three with the one you love? So how did it happen? Listen, it’s a great tale.

I was living in California some years ago and studying with don Miguel Ruiz a Mexican shaman (who wrote a lovely little best selling book called The Four Agreements). He really helped me get to a place I had been yearning for my whole life. His assistance (and also from the unending love and guidance of my beloved teachers Rita and Barbara) got me to a place faster and deeper than all the roads and paths I wandered as a young man put together. It was magical, truly remarkable, and almost unbelievable the transformation in me that occurred in a relatively short amount of time. During this period I wasn’t really earning any income and after almost a year of intensive internal dismantling of my former self I was pretty much broke and in debt. That was ok though as I was pretty sure I could somehow work my way out of that hole. After all I created it so I suppose I could un-create it. I began packing my life up and prepared to head back East to my old home town to begin making money again. Best of all though I was beginning to feel really happy irrespective of my monetary state.

Well just around this time Meghan and I got together, fell pretty much in Love and figured it was a nice romance but short lived. She wasn’t planning on moving back east to cold winters and I had made my mind up there was no other way to extricate myself from my self created financial mess other than to move east. A bit of an impasse you could say. I was conflicted because of the wonderful connection I felt with Meg there in Encinitas and the plan I had created to start working again that meant leaving. Geez, what to do?

(Editors note: Ok some of you may be wondering, rightfully so, wasn't there any work in California? Good question. If you live anywhere in North San Diego County no one works. Surf, drink Coronas, eat fantastic Mexican food and repeat as necessary.)

One of the most valuable lessons I learned after moving to California was the ability to embrace the unknown. I first practiced at embracing those parts of me that were buried inside and had no idea what they were but somehow seemed to control my life experiences. Then I worked on all those beliefs that made Jamie who Jamie was. I practiced letting go of who I thought I was. That was interesting. If I’m not who I thought I was then who am I? Talk about a deer in the headlights! It seemed like every step of the way I was being asked to leave behind what I thought was possible, or what I thought I knew, and enter into the unknown. Most definitely terrifying at first, but the more I did it the easier it became. And each time I released a belief, a plan, a scheme, or event I was holding on to - the outcome was so much sweeter than what I could have imagined. That said, I still could be a single minded stubborn ram (ass). And was.

Now it was the end of February. I was packed up and waiting for the moving van to move me east. I had asked Meg to marry me (having had a “vision” that we were being married by don Miguel and all the elders on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán Mexico) yet had no plan for how that could or would happen. I was convinced I had to leave and head home to New England. In a conversation with Meg about the situation I found myself in she asked me a simple question that derailed my strong (ok, obstinate) belief that I had to leave California. I said, “honey, there’s only one solution here. That’s to move east and do carpentry again until I work myself out of debt.” “Really?” She smiled. “Really, there’s only one solution? Hum, that’s interesting.” And all of that conviction dissolved right then and there. I found myself going to that place of “I don’t know” going into the unknown where so many answers await.

I see so many opportunities right now to step into that unknown place with regards to the state of our world. So many good souls trying to make sense of what happened, what is happening, and how to fix it. So many uncertainties in the world right about now. What if we could just step into that unknowing place without fear or doubt or hesitation. What if we got so good at it that each time we did so it alleviated our stress and anxiety about what could happen. What if we got good at letting go? Got good at stepping out of our own way. Got really good at not believing ourselves and the news we broadcast in our own mind about how bad things are. Just for a moment we took a grand step into the Unknown…

Well. I did. I lept again with no idea what the outcome would be. And two weeks later, on St. Patrick’s Day 2003 I was married to my beloved Meghan by don Miguel, his son don Jose, and all the elder Dreamers on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán Mexico. I will for as long as I live never forget that day and the sight of this collective group of beings who let go long ago their limitations about what is and what is not possible.

I will never again underestimate the power of embracing the Unknown.

Each time I do it’s like my wedding day all over again.

Thanks for reading.
J

Winning the Lottery

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:29:00 +0000

Yeah I know. Been absent for awhile from my post (no I’m not depressed Ma). Last you heard I left for Mexico and promised a colorful re-telling of the TRIP. Maybe ya’ll thought I climbed that old pyramid of the Sun with my youngest boy and finally stepped off, was blasted into the ether, permanently merged with the infinite, only to be never heard from again…should we all be SO lucky!!!

Nope I’m still here. And I will get around to telling about that place that turns mere mortals into mere mortals with Plenty of Awareness. But not today. Today I want to let you know I think I just won the lottery.

Let that sink in for a sec. Right about now my phone should starting ringing like the ol’ rotary dial in the cartoons. Silence. Good. Let me explain before all the people I never knew start calling me for a bailout.

I do buy lottery tickets on a regular basis. Maybe because I once got 4 out of 6 numbers. Maybe because I figure a “dollar and a dream” right? In this economy a few extra $25 millon couldn’t hurt, right? Anyway I got to thinking about how money seems to ease so many things, and when the world at large is suffering from a difficult economic crisis it exacerbates the underlying fear that so many of us have: that we don’t have enough. That no matter what our financial status is that more is good, that lots more is even better. But more of what? Is there something that can buy peace of mind? Is it money? Is it more acquisitions? What is it really?

A dear friend and I were speaking recently and he relayed a story to me that impressed me. Lately he had taken a hit both in terms of the amount of work he had coming in (income), and had taken a hit on his portfolio. A big hit. Now this friend has always LOVED money and the acquiring of money. He is “good with money” as they say, and conservative in how he spends it. I always looked at him with a mixture of wonderment and respect since I was never really that interested in making millions or being conservative in how I spent the little money I had. To hear him speak about the dramatic shift in his status in such a calm way really moved me. He had found his life was NOT so much about what sat in an investment fund or an IRA. It was about what he was living right now, and how he was feeling in that “now” moment. He was feeling good.

So this morning as I could feel the cervix of my mind opening preparing to birth another blog, I was thinking about winning the lottery. And how I’ve already won. Not the money part so leave me alone please. But the LIFE part. Look and see.

I’m healthy and fit (ok I’m a F.O.N.), I have a beautiful and loving partner Meg in my life (the REAL lotto score!), two wonderful sons Nick and Bodhi, my Mom Junie lives right around the corner from us and is a HUGE part of our lives. I have two fine older brothers who have given me so much love throughout their lives. I am surrounded by friends who inspire and play with me. I am self-employed with amazing employees that are unique and incredible. I live in an amazing seaside community that feels like HOME totally. I get time to take care of my mind and body. I have the opportunity to travel and be with the ones I love and don’t get to see often. Oh, I even have a sweet dog who is fairly neglected and that I occasionally take on long mountain bike rides and stays faithfully on my wheel uncomplaining.

Do you see what I mean? Would more money change any of this? What if I was wealthy beyond compare yet had a life threatening disease? Or my family life was a mess? I mean take any of the things that are in my life right now and replace it with more money. If it’s about replacing something, no thanks. Sure, I’ll keep playing the Lotto. And you know when I do win, I’ll give much of it away. But right now I’m happy just the way Life is, and what's being delivered to my door.

Humm, maybe I better get an unlisted phone number soon…

Peace.
J

Teotihuacan Mexico

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 11:09:00 +0000

i had a match,
but she had a lighter
i had a flame, but she had a fire
i was bright, but she was much brighter
i was high, but she was the sky
oh baby, i was bound for mexico

Cake

That pretty much sums it doesn't it? Going to a place that transformed my life many years ago. Now I get to bring my youngest son there too. I'm sure there will be plenty to write about after this trip. Until then, stay warm & healthy.

Lotsalove,
J

Extended Play

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:09:00 +0000

Remember when we were in high school playing the best (and only) video game Pong and…oh wait a minute I just totally dated myself. No Gen X’er here. A Boomer for sure. Yikes! But regardless of how old I am, remember when you got enough points at whatever game you were playing to go into “extended play”? That part of the game where you were given another chance to keep playing, keep amassing more credits to continue on into Unchartered Territory. The excitement of going past the point you thought possible – opportunity to play some more like an unexpected gift. Well that’s how I live these days.

Just about 18 years ago I almost died. Out of all of my numerous near death experiences, this one felt like The End for sure. To make a very long story much shorter; I was on a mountain bike ride with two friends in Montclair New Jersey and the trail we were riding was along the edge of a cliff. I had ridden this trail a thousand times before but never in the direction we rode that day. The trail started at the base of a cliff and wound around to its highest point of maybe 60-70 feet off the ground. We started climbing parallel to the cliff and eventually the trail turned down to the right and towards the woods. Well I’m sure you know what happened next, correct? Yup. I didn’t go right but straight and I fell off the cliff on my bike. I wasn’t sure at what height I was going off at but was pretty positive it was high enough that I was going to die. In the eternity that it seemed like I had before launching over the precipice, I was in total denial about what was going to happen. I tried unsuccessfully to stop short of the edge (I remember thinking how odd it was my brakes didn’t work). At the last minute every ounce of adrenaline kicked in and I stretched out towards a small sapling at the top of the cliff hoping it would hold me. The next instant I was falling. Now everyone thinks you will get a millisecond review of your entire career from birth to that now unexpected death moment. For me everything went black and I felt myself totally relax. For some reason I was aware of the seconds passing as I fell. I hit the ground hard and opened my eyes to see my bike land next to me and continue bouncing down the rest of the slope. I tried to stand up but couldn’t and then fell back staring up at the gray sky. I was alive. At least I thought I was, or maybe I was dreaming I was alive. Maybe this is Death, I thought but why would my Yo Eddy Fat Chance mountain bike be with me in the afterlife? I pondered this until I heard my buddy Geoff minutes later screaming, “O my god, O MY GOD, HELP!!!!” Then I knew I was still here on Earth. What I didn’t know then but am fully aware of now is this: I got extended play in the Game of Life. I fell 35 feet (luckily only midway to the highest point), landed flat on my back and suffered a severed patella tendon (no idea how). That’s it. My bike suffered a flat rear tire and 3 weeks later I was riding the same bike with my right leg in a cast hanging off to one side as I pedaled around the yard lefty. Also, what I didn’t comprehend then and I definitely do now is that I got to do things differently this time around. It didn’t miraculously happen in one near death instant, but those things that I had been wishing for my whole life coalesced in a split second that rainy July afternoon. Let’s say the seed of those things I yearned for were planted that day and it has taken time for that seed (for me really) to grow into the life I yearned for. It has happened, and I am forever grateful for that day years ago. It woke me up.

I got to thinking about that day of my “second chance” after reading about the US Air flight that crash landed in the Hudson River. How beautiful a story! How totally miraculous that no one perished, and that even the relatively few injuries were minor. Those passengers and crew on that flight have been given extended play. I’m sure each person had the feeling that this is how they would die as the engines kicked out right after take off. To die in a plane crash. Not many stories of grace and survival with regards to air travel. Yet they all survived. They were able to walk away. Now who knows how their minds will interpret that outcome. But when Death has been passed over for more Life the opportunity is enormous to make something more out of the time remaining. To see the gift in living on, to see the opportunity to make choices that serve those things that really matter. And that may look totally different for each person, but are no less important. As a survivor myself the only advice I might offer those passengers of the US Air flight is this: do away with the limiting beliefs of what it “should be” and live like you know what matters most to you. Life has added more time to the Game. Play with abandon and love and tremendous gratitude.

I’d like to add a caution here to those who have not survived a near death moment. Don’t go hucking yerself into harms way or take unnecessary risks (unless you’re an adrenaline junky) just to find out what’s important to you. It can be found by sitting quietly in your favorite chair. Or taking a walk in Nature. Use the endless opportunities available to each of us to evaluate what’s most precious to you and go live it.

Go on, go live your Dream. How sweet it is when you finally do…

J

Revolution

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 14:20:00 +0000

“You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world…”
John Lennon

Ok, I need to insert a disclaimer here: I am not a very political person. Why? Simply because I feel like it’s biz as usual in Washington and it doesn’t really matter who is in office the machine keeps humming along. That said I’m all about transformation and growth and CHANGE. So yes I was glued to the TV for the better part of the day yesterday.

Did you feel the incredible energy generated by the inauguration? I felt like someone slipped me a dozen Red Bull’s with an espresso chaser. Watching Obama take oath and be truly presidential was captivating. Watching how he and Michelle and their family interacted, how real and natural they presented themselves filled me with hope. Hope that the time for a real revolution has come. Not the social revolution but the inner type where substance trumps superficial, where people roll up their sleeves in unison and say “let’s do this together”.

Please read Thomas Friedman’s Op Ed piece in today’s New York Times for a beautifully written piece on what’s next.

nytimes.com/2009/01/21/opinion/21friedman.html?_r=1&em

See you at the revolution.

J

Found Your True Love? Now what?

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie Gilroy) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 01:54:00 +0000

So how’s the relationship going on after 6 years? I can honestly say it gets better every day. There’s a huge difference between what I’ve experienced with Meg and what my past relationship experiences have been. So what’s the difference?

Awareness.

One word. And that one word makes it special. Awareness of what? Awareness of all the limiting beliefs we have about Self, Love and Relationships. So if you know what you’re believing is keeping you miserable why keep believing it? WHY KEEP BELIEVING IT!!! OK, if you say so…

Listen. This isn’t about some miraculous colliding of two distant stars whose paths happen to cross at just the right moment. This is about two people who had the grace and fortitude and crazy luck to have experienced some really heart wrenching experiences and were able to grab hold of a lifeline and drag their sorry asses to shore. That shore being the ability to see what denying emotion does to a heart, that shore that allows feeling to be expressed without self judgment and condemnation, without prejudice. When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and said “I love you.” Doesn’t it usually sound like a litany of what you see and don’t like? Too old, too fat, too ugly, too poor, to dumb, too plain, too unlovable? What in god’s name is served by that kind of self judgment?

Nothing. And so the finding your true love has absolutely nothing to do with looking outside yourself, and everything to do with saying to yourself – “damn dude, you’re the bomb”. Or “I am a mother-effin goddess”! Without conceit or arrogance, but just plain conviction of what is TRUE! We are perfect in our uniqueness and if we only knew that, really KNEW it then we would find someone to really play with in this life and be truly happy if that’s what we wanted. Drop all the insecurities and Life has room to move, to expand…

That’s what Meg and I do and it’s easier than riding a bike. Why would I project my insecurities onto Meg, why would I share poison with her, why would I create undo DRAMA with her? Why would I put MYSELF through that, let alone another person? I don’t. We don’t. That’s the Secret if you ask me. The SECRET is to use what is as available to us as air – AWARENESS.

It just takes a little practice. And the result can be as magical as the most poignant and unbelievable fairy tale. Yet it is real. Totally attainable.

The coolest thing is we have created a being out of this place of awareness (Bodhi Quinn Gilroy) and he is the reflection of so much of US together and yet is completely his own little monster.

Oh, try this: parenting with awareness. Good luck! Oh man is that a blast. Bodhi will find every loose stone inside you and send it careening down the mountain. Or not.
You see with awareness comes CHOICE. But that’s for another blog for another time…

Until then go find your true love. What are you waiting for? Go on. GO!

J