Before My Last Breath

I just checked out the New York Times website to see what was up in the big wide world today. Ouch. Slowdowns, recessions, markets in turmoil, global violence, job layoffs…you get the picture. Oh one piece of great news: Exxon posted a record 58% jump in profits. Thank god somebody is doing well out there. No I’m not the cynical type. I was in my early youth. 18 years old and smelling bullshit a mile away. Distrusting of the status quo I sought the alternative path, mostly out of reaction (as opposed to real conviction). I fought against authority, bridled against convention, and found solace in the writings of Hesse and Camus and Kesey and Chuang Tzu and Dee Brown and The Beats. I slept on the ground a lot, hitch hiked across the country numerous times, and relied on the kindness of others more than not. I saw the world back then as an adversary and not a worthy one either. I felt like the things that were “wrong” with society (or civilization for that matter) were inherited. I had no...

Today I had a bit of epiphany. Occasionally that happens to me. An ordinary experience, a normal day, nothing in particular can occur and yet…let me take you there. Today Meg and I packed the car and headed north with Rita and Ed and of course Bodhi. We went to a farm stand and bought some veggies. Bodhi pulled a wagon around the farm the entire time we were there. From the farm stand we went to an Audubon sanctuary that I hadn’t been to in a while and hadn’t shared with the gang yet. There is a really cool stone formation there that reminds me of Ireland and the incredible rocks and energy in that country. This spot definitely had something mystical about it and it felt like somewhere other than Ipswich, MA. We all really enjoyed that spot, especially Bodhi. He ran around the paths that wound through the rocks and tunnels over and over again. He gets so excited by being in Nature, even taking these blissful little gasps of breath and saying, “woods”. Too cute I know. But it gets me se...

If you read any major headline these days the worldly turmoil is evident all around us. I don’t pretend to be a political or economic analyst. I’m neither. But I have been observing my own internal chaos recently and I can’t help but see the parallels between the outer and inner. Between the world at large and my own little world between my ears. I’ve been in a bit of a personal recession lately. Physically battling some nasty lingering cold and feeling like my lower back could collapse any time I bend over. The experience of feeling physically like crap and the challenges of growing and shifting a business that is directly tied to the economy and people and their money has me somewhat tweaked. There is some sort of internal transformation going on in me. I’m getting the opportunity to see those things that work and those things that haven’t been working. The old way vs. the new way. For some reason it’s taking a lot of energy and focus to stay in a good place mentally. The ironic thin...

Today I was privileged to witness the end of a life. I had been feeling like there was something a little bit different about the day ever since I woke up. The urge to log on to the internet first thing and follow the descent of the stock market had lost its appeal. My interest in the world had waned this morning. Plus I was out of the office most of the day. I had a number of morning appointments with clients and then had to drive to a job we’re doing out of town about 20 miles south. On my way back home I decided to stop by REI which was right off the highway and return some things I had purchased last week. As I was driving there a state trooper flew past me with lights and sirens then pulled off the next exit which was the one for REI. Traffic slowed as a result. This exit dumps out onto a rotary (roundabout if you’re European – and a mystery if you’re not from Massachusetts). I could see another local police cruiser that had pulled over to the side of the road and the two police o...