Before My Last Breath

It's time to take an extended break (as if I've really been diligently blogging regularly). Yesterday it was snowing (at least it was on TV during the Pats game) here in Massachusetts. So old man Winter is trudging our way. Coincidentally my beloved has urged me (actually has been urging me for quite some time) to write down my experiences I have had while travelling this particular Spiritual path I've been on (meandering anyone?) the past eight years. I have decided to devote whatever time and energy I have left after running my business to this project. It will be a book. Probably short. Most likely humorous, all about Love & Redemption, sprinkled with mysticism and rebellion, boy meets girl, lots of driving, and transformation - not necessarily in that order. Hang in there if your jonesing for more info (or gawd forbid more blogs). I hope to emerge from my self imposed hibernation when the snows have melted, the trees begin to bud again, and the warm sun has returned

Please pardon the intrusion, it is Michael here. I must apologize for my brother Uri – he is at times intrusive and lacking the proper decorum for one of our kind. Some call him edgy and vulgar. I myself see him as young and impulsive. His view of the human he has been mandated to protect is somewhat inappropriate. We normally do not discuss our humans lives in public, and least not in a such an open forum like what you humans refer to as a “blog”. I must admit to a tinge of embarrassment in what is being openly shared amongst you humans these days over cyber space. With the simple entry of a mere word an entire world opens up at your fingertips. What is this portal called? Giggle? Oh, no, Google. It’s as if “knowledge” is dispersed from an unauthenticated source yet is received as gospel (if only the real gospel was heard again). If you desire an opinion on any subject (or person for that matter) you only have to type it in and hit send. It is my wish to return this forum t

Hey Uri here again. So that was interesting. This blog got WAY more attention since I took over the writing duties from you know who – mister CTD (crash test dummy) himself – laymo Jaymo. What is it with that kid? Moaning and groaning all the time about wanting to be a writer, and how he is stressed out from work and has no time whatsoever to sit down and put his “enlightened” thoughts on paper. As a matter of fact he’d be much safer if he was at his desk and not running around trying to be Evel Knievel. If you added up all the time in plaster casts and getting stitched up he could’ve written a War & Peace size memoir. Sure would make my job a whole heck of a lot easier if he was sitting still… So Mike, Gabe, Rafe, and I were Skype-ing each other last night around 3am when our humans were supposedly sleeping. That’s the only time we can rap about stuff. Skype is a friggin’ godsend (from where else?). We don’t show up on the screen cause of course we can’t be seen in this

Hi. Jamie has taken a break from his blog and I’ve decided to fill in for him. I am his “guardian angel”. Call me Uri. Look, I just want to take this opportunity and this forum to get some things off my proverbial chest. First off, we get no respect – I mean zip, zero, nada. People love to talk about their “angels watching over them” like it’s some fluffy namby pamby occupation complete with big lovely wings (like that stupid John Travolta movie) and Bach concertos playing soothing soundtracks and the entire deal Oprah approved. Bullshit. It ain’t like that at all. It’s dark and nasty and nitty gritty stuff. You all only hear about the humans who die. And don’t get me going about the repercussions of letting your “assigned”* human expire – baaaaad, baaaaad, baaaaad is all I can say. The boss hates when we f-up and let a human die. Usually it’s cause we went for a smoke, or grabbed a café latte or something – I mean we need a break too…but I digress. *There is one G.A. assign

This morning I woke up feeling just like I have the entire past month. Dog tired (even after eight hours sleep) and lacking the morning fire I’m so accustomed to. I could feel my frustration build as I mentally scrolled through all that I have to do today. It got even worse when I visited a couple of projects we have going and saw things either not moving fast enough (according to me) or done the way I wanted (again, according to me). Ahhhh. Yet again another beautiful day off to an ugly start. I mean obviously all the ugliness is inside of me as the rest of the world is clearly oblivious to my inner turmoil. That’s cool. So I stopped by the Atomic Café for my morning cappuccino (yeah, yeah, I got it rough huh?) which Andrew so generously gave to me no charge. That was the beginning of a subtle shift inside me. Mellissa was bopping around behind the cash register and I could feel the energy just crackling off of her as she greeted customers as if each one was her favorite pers

Food for thought that a friend Lee McCormack passed along the other day. How aware are we? What is the reason for our being here? Thanks Lee for sharing this. Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule. 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk. 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.. 10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continue

I was speaking with one of my new (favorite) clients the other day. She was asking how my son Nick was doing. I was explaining how wonderful it was to have him home after spending two years in Italy. She could sense and feel my enthusiasm and love while talking about Nick. She then offered how some years back her grown children were living in close proximity to her and her husband and how happy she was about that. She then said, “Isn’t it wonderful when the stars align?” That got me to thinking about that feeling. The other night Megs and I were sitting at the dinner table having a meal with my mom, Nick, and Bodhi. I looked around and felt this deep satisfaction seeing the ones I love so dearly gathered together in one room sharing space and time and food together. I never had quite experienced that sensation. It was so special and warming. That’s what my client meant by the stars aligning (which she conveyed as much energetically as verbally). It is often a rare thing to h

Aries March 2001 For some time I've had a vision for an initiation ritual called Self-Betrothal, or a wedding to oneself. It seems often that we seek out highly committed relationships in an effort to complete ourselves, when we really need to do this completion work on our own, though surely with the support of friends. Before such a joining to oneself, ideally there would be a time of preparation, perhaps a year akin to engagement, involving vision questing, counseling and learning life skills, culminating in a rite-of-passage in which a person essentially marries himself or herself in a ceremony attended by their community. The "ego" and "spirit" would be joined as one entity; the "self" and "higher self" would, through ritual and learning, be brought into one awareness. My idea may be some time from manifesting, but for you, this is a powerful time of joining to yourself, of allowing what is above, what is below and what is at the center

Oh I am feeling blah blah blah and have nothing to say but I'm SO tired of seeing the last blog stare me in the face every time I open my website. I decided it would be fun to open the folder on my computer called Writings & Ramblings and see what I discovered. It's a major copout but so what? It's my party and I can cry if I want to. Here's what I uncovered and it instantly took me back to that moment in time where Life leaned down and patted me on the head and said, "good boy". And the rest my friends is history... Well dear friends, it’s the year 2003 and frankly Miracles still do exist. A wedding is in the works and the two lucky contestants are J. Meghan McChesney and J. Jamie Gilroy. The Universe in all of its infinite wisdom and unending humor conspired to unite these two souls (for better or for worse) in a lovely display of Serendipity. As a testament to what is possible when one shrugs their shoulders and says simply “can a brother catch a

I’ve been following the news like everyone. The King of Pop is dead. The Dream Angel for boys my age is gone too. The moonwalk is gone. The one piece bathing suit fantasy too. What is it when icons die? How do we cope? Where do we file that info? When a god dies, the demi-gods are filled with angst and fear. The common folk weep when their idol perishes; when great lights are blown out. It doesn’t matter if those lights were freaky, we still are drawn to them, mere moths to their brilliant celebrity… So I’ve been watching Bodhi, my two year old. He is magnificently filled with so much life. He not only is growing fast, but absorbing everything and learning at an accelerated rate too. He is getting to be himself – a little bundle of personality. He is beginning to believe his dream. I love it. But sometimes I look at him and realize he came from nothing. A sperm on its own is unable to create. An egg by itself cannot produce Life. Each depends on the other to merge an

Editors note: please re-read Part One again. M: But some people would say that that doesn’t sound like real life. J: Of course it doesn’t. What happens in real life? Someone gets cancer and dies. Someone rejects you because your thighs are too big, your nose is too short. It’s all these expectations and judgments. We’ve been conditioned to see that it’s the goal, it’s the end game. It’s what does it look like after the romance. How many people say, “Oh yeah, romance is great but now we are married? Oh, I am married with children. Driver carries no cash, his wife has it all.” You know there are all these little things that support the belief that the romance at some point ends. Everyone wants a fairy tale ending but doesn’t believe it. Or people say, “Oh, that’s just a Hollywood ending. That’s Hollywood. It’s make believe.” Well, guess what? Your whole life is make believe. Why wouldn’t you make believe it in that way? I am with my beloved. Each second that I am wit

I have been in a bit of a funk recently. Blame the weather. Blame the dog, the toddler, the wife, the job, the economy. Whatever. I found this inspiration for my next blog in a folder on my computer desktop called Writings. Not remembering what it was I opened it. The following conversation was transcribed from a workshop Meg & I gave a few years ago and we were discussing what romance really meant. In reading it over the funk I’ve been in lifted like the fog on the harbor this morning – just burned off from the relentless shine of the sun. Sometimes I need to remind myself of what the hell I’m really doing here. I share part of this transcript with you now. Enjoy. J: Do you see how romance is everywhere in life? Unless you are just are a hardened person, or a criminal, or someone who has been so abused by the dream of the planet that they are cynical. We aren’t looking for cynics. Ok, so they’re cynics. Go enjoy it, have fun with it. I am looking for the romantics of th

My oldest brother emailed me an article this morning about finding a spiritual teacher. The author of the article studied with Kalu Rimpoche a Tibetan Buddhist lama who passed away in 1989 at the age of 84. He was a very famous guru with many followers. Reading this article that was sent to me kindled memories of my own journey on the Tibetan Buddhist path. The title of this blog was actually said to me by my guru at the time, Sonam T. Kazi. Or “Mr. Kazi” as the majority of his students or Sangha called him. (Sangha: group of followers of a particular teacher and belief system). The exception was a handful of “senior” students who had been with him since his arrival in the United States in the late seventies. They called him Sonam. Anyhow, I had been studying with Mr. Kazi for quite some time. Being a good carpenter and a faithful student I would spend almost every weekend of the year working on his property in upstate New York. After one particularly extensive project was co

"Because a man can see, he does not look." — Master Po. I’m sure most of you read about the passing of David Carradine recently. The details and speculation around his death were more and more revealing as the case went on, starting with suicide, and ending up as an auto erotic act gone awry. If you type his name on Google you will learn everything you never wanted to know about the man. For me I will always remember him as Kwai Chang Caine the humble yet capable Shaolin monk. He was a Buddhist monk who kills the emperor’s nephew (for killing his beloved master – I know that’s being a bad Buddhist) and flees to America and the wild, Wild West. For the three years that show aired (1972-75) I was glued to the TV. I was 14 years old and idolized this character. He was gentle and soft spoken, yet always sublimely aware of his surroundings. When pushed he could diffuse a situation with a minimum of violence, and typically with his bare hands. There was no gratuitous blood

I heard this phrase while sitting at a table at an outdoor café in Portsmouth NH a couple of days ago. I was people watching and relaxing after a few hours on the Triumph, and not really focusing on what was being said around me. It was a warm sunny day and lots of people were gathered in the main square. Out of all the various garbled conversations that were going on I heard this phrase “unconditional love” loud and clear. I have no idea in what context it was being used but I heard it as if the person who said it was sitting at my table. And that’s all I heard. This actually happens a lot to me. I will hear a word in a conversation nearby or in a song while driving and listening to the radio. The way I see it the Universe, aka LIFE is dropping a hint, or maybe a simple reminder. So what do these two big words mean? For me they represent the gateway to Freedom. A door to Happiness. Not necessarily freedom without responsibility. Or not necessarily giddy happiness. But in e

Look (for those of you who hold me to every day writing). It was a holiday weekend and I stayed far away from my office and hence my computer. Then I got sick from either: A) some nasty bout of allergies (which up until now I have successfully avoided in my life) B) some heinous on again off again lime-green-snot cold. C) a weird flu which I will call the rodent flu (why further malign pigs at this point?) where my body temp was actually 3 degrees lower than it should have been. I call it the rodent flu because you feel like a rat hell bent on just surviving by any means necessary. (Ed. Note: NOT Hanta Virus) D) All of the freaking above. This past SaturdayI rode the mountain bike for 3 hours. Next day spent in bed. Had a great Memorial day with the family and a loooong ride on Speedy, next day in the office my head starting drooping at 7am and by 4pm I was asleep and I must have slept about 22 hours. Whatever, all life keeps going anyway. Nobody really cares

I had a dream the other night. In the dream I was with some friends and someone asked me about my mom and I said she was no longer with us (don’t panic anyone – she is healthy as a horse and due to be around for at least another 80 years…). More than anything else though was the feeling of that emptiness knowing I could never just stop by her house and say “hey mom”, or ask her to come over and hang out with her grandson Bodhi and then have dinner with us. The enormity and finality of her being gone hit me like a sucker punch in that dream. I was shaken. And what I woke up to was how each moment I spend with her, each interaction is precious. Really isn’t it that way with everyone? When was the last time you looked through the eyes of total adoration and appreciation for ALL the people in your life? The ones that stress you out, the ones that soothe you. Your beloved, your co-worker, your parents and siblings. The total stranger who just cut you off in traffic. And what about us. I mea

I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. Etc. Etc. Etc. times 100. (that's for you Syl!) Am I a liar or what? How can I possibly write each and every day? Is it possible? I have no idea. But let’s find out. It has been over a month since my last blog and I think I must have lost the handful of faithful readers by now. Or maybe I lost them long ago anyway. But listen I really am writing for myself anyhow. I love the clicking plasticky sound of my keyboard as I hunt and peck my way through this form of expression. It is music to my ears… Symbols take shape into words and those words have meaning (we can only hope) and maybe even create a feeling inside as they are read. This is my intent and my way of saying something meaningful out of all the words that escape my mouth and have littl

Last week we took a vacation to Sedona AZ. Not that we really could afford a vacation at this time. My business is extremely slow and I've temporarily laid off some of my employees. But we had booked the tickets months ago with frequent-flyer miles and were depleted from a VERY long hard winter, so we needed a break. Yeah, so that's the story anyway. You could say that our Dream was in flux. And you could also say that Megs and I were stressed from all the busy-ness in our lives. Writing a book, raising a toddler, running a construction business - all these things are pretty much normal, but we had some unforeseen situations that compounded the stress level and in general Meg & I were acting more like business partners than co-creators of our own expansive reality as husband and wife. For me I know that I was more and more in resistance to what I was experiencing, and consequently more and more stressed out. The more I tensed up I got, the less awake I felt. The more work I

For me St. Patrick’s Day came and went this year quietly and without a hangover. I know what that day means to so many and I support the celebration. To me that day has a different kind of celebration attached to it now. It is the anniversary of my marriage to Meghan. Well the first marriage. We did it three times actually over the next year. Anyone who truly knows me knows I love weddings so why not three with the one you love? So how did it happen? Listen, it’s a great tale. I was living in California some years ago and studying with don Miguel Ruiz a Mexican shaman (who wrote a lovely little best selling book called The Four Agreements). He really helped me get to a place I had been yearning for my whole life. His assistance (and also from the unending love and guidance of my beloved teachers Rita and Barbara) got me to a place faster and deeper than all the roads and paths I wandered as a young man put together. It was magical, truly remarkable, and almost unbelievable t

Yeah I know. Been absent for awhile from my post (no I’m not depressed Ma). Last you heard I left for Mexico and promised a colorful re-telling of the TRIP. Maybe ya’ll thought I climbed that old pyramid of the Sun with my youngest boy and finally stepped off, was blasted into the ether, permanently merged with the infinite, only to be never heard from again…should we all be SO lucky!!! Nope I’m still here. And I will get around to telling about that place that turns mere mortals into mere mortals with Plenty of Awareness. But not today. Today I want to let you know I think I just won the lottery. Let that sink in for a sec. Right about now my phone should starting ringing like the ol’ rotary dial in the cartoons. Silence. Good. Let me explain before all the people I never knew start calling me for a bailout. I do buy lottery tickets on a regular basis. Maybe because I once got 4 out of 6 numbers. Maybe because I figure a “dollar and a dream” right? In this economy a few extra $25 mill

i had a match, but she had a lighter i had a flame, but she had a fire i was bright, but she was much brighter i was high, but she was the sky oh baby, i was bound for mexico Cake That pretty much sums it doesn't it? Going to a place that transformed my life many years ago. Now I get to bring my youngest son there too. I'm sure there will be plenty to write about after this trip. Until then, stay warm & healthy. Lotsalove, J

Remember when we were in high school playing the best (and only) video game Pong and…oh wait a minute I just totally dated myself. No Gen X’er here. A Boomer for sure. Yikes! But regardless of how old I am, remember when you got enough points at whatever game you were playing to go into “extended play”? That part of the game where you were given another chance to keep playing, keep amassing more credits to continue on into Unchartered Territory. The excitement of going past the point you thought possible – opportunity to play some more like an unexpected gift. Well that’s how I live these days. Just about 18 years ago I almost died. Out of all of my numerous near death experiences, this one felt like The End for sure. To make a very long story much shorter; I was on a mountain bike ride with two friends in Montclair New Jersey and the trail we were riding was along the edge of a cliff. I had ridden this trail a thousand times before but never in the direction we rode that day. The trai

“You say you want a revolution Well, you know We all want to change the world You tell me that it's evolution Well, you know We all want to change the world…” John Lennon Ok, I need to insert a disclaimer here: I am not a very political person. Why? Simply because I feel like it’s biz as usual in Washington and it doesn’t really matter who is in office the machine keeps humming along. That said I’m all about transformation and growth and CHANGE. So yes I was glued to the TV for the better part of the day yesterday. Did you feel the incredible energy generated by the inauguration? I felt like someone slipped me a dozen Red Bull’s with an espresso chaser. Watching Obama take oath and be truly presidential was captivating. Watching how he and Michelle and their family interacted, how real and natural they presented themselves filled me with hope. Hope that the time for a real revolution has come. Not the social revolution but the inner type where substance trumps superficial, whe

So how’s the relationship going on after 6 years? I can honestly say it gets better every day. There’s a huge difference between what I’ve experienced with Meg and what my past relationship experiences have been. So what’s the difference? Awareness. One word. And that one word makes it special. Awareness of what? Awareness of all the limiting beliefs we have about Self, Love and Relationships. So if you know what you’re believing is keeping you miserable why keep believing it? WHY KEEP BELIEVING IT!!! OK, if you say so… Listen. This isn’t about some miraculous colliding of two distant stars whose paths happen to cross at just the right moment. This is about two people who had the grace and fortitude and crazy luck to have experienced some really heart wrenching experiences and were able to grab hold of a lifeline and drag their sorry asses to shore. That shore being the ability to see what denying emotion does to a heart, that shore that allows feeling to be expressed witho

It’s been snowing pretty much all day today. I shoveled earlier and just went out now to clear the walkways at our house and Junie’s driveway one more time before calling it a night. I couldn’t resist walking through the woods with Gorda before heading home. It was so beautiful – the snow covering all the branches, the trail deep and slow going. The further I walked the happier I became. What a gift to be able to have a few minutes in a winter wonderland with my dog. I came out of the woods and walked down a snowy empty street towards home feeling a sensation overwhelming my body. It was Love pouring out of me and releasing into the cold winter night. I was remembering six years ago when Meg & I had the very same vision sitting on a bench in southern California. Listen to this story. This is Part 2 of true Love… I had planned to move back East after 9 months in Encinitas, California. I thought I would stay there forever, I was so happy. Unfortunately I was out of money and knew by

I feel like writing about relationships right now - maybe it's the approach of Valentines Day. Who knows but bear with me. These next few blogs will have a thread to them. Hang on. The woods are snowy and my mountain bike is dangling from the rafters. What else is there to write about besides? I have been checking out my oldest son Nick's blog (nickgilroy.com) and am in awe and amazement that he writes about finding the woman of his Dreams. He is so young and has yet to experience loves longing, or loves heartbreak. If I had my way he never would have to go through heartbreak like his old man did (multiple times mind you). If I had my way he would discover the brilliance of his soul mate his first time up to bat. He would find that "fully shining woman" in some serendipitous meeting, some chance encounter and fall totally and permanently in Love. Maybe it's impossible, I don't know. Maybe it will happen for Nick. God knows for me it took half my life to get it