Before My Last Breath

In a field in the middle of Ireland I built a fire at the behest of my co-teacher Rita. She asked, “would you take some of the men and build a fire for our ceremony tonight?” There were about 100 oak pallets in a pile at the corner of this field and we must of put at least 25 in a big stack and lit them. Needless to say the flame from that “ceremonial” fire could be seen from outer space. You couldn’t stand closer than 30 feet from it without feeling scorched. THAT was a fire. Go big I say. So flash back two weeks earlier when Meghan came home from Teotihuacan Mexico after spending five days at the pyramids leading a women’s group. As soon as she got into my truck at the airport she announced “I want to have a baby”. That’s my girl! Once she locks and loads it’s a done deal. So here we are two weeks after her pronouncement post fire ceremony and after all the students have wandered off to dreamland Megs and I set about making that baby. I will spare you the racy details but su

As I sat amongst the sage and rabbitbrush and red earth of New Mexico I watched the tarantula as it delicately made its way towards me, almost like touching the ground was painful. Or more likely maybe I was the one in pain. I had wandered off after our lunch break to find that certain special spot on the land where I could attempt to come to an understanding of why my world was simultaneously collapsing and expanding, leaving me feeling open, raw, exposed, and exhilarated. As I watched the spider getting closer all my past associations of big hairy arachnids sped through my brain like a highlight horror reel. Should I move, I thought absently. Some force kept me sitting cross legged on the ground watching this really beautiful rare thing tip-toe towards me. Beautiful? Get the fuck up and run man! This Dreaming workshop must be draining me of all sense! I sat there dumbstruck at my immobility. When the tarantula was about a foot from me it made a hard right turn and crawled away