Before My Last Breath

I had an unusual dream the other night. It was about a client who was upset that she had changed the design of her project and felt like she had made a mistake in doing so. Now the project was built, and what was she to do? We were talking over the phone and I could tell she was struggling to get her words out without getting emotional. I thought this a little odd but didn’t have any real judgment about it – I just listened. As she spoke she got more and more upset and she began to cry. Finally I said what to me seemed like the obvious. I said that she really didn’t have to get so distraught, there was nothing a sawzall and a nail gun couldn’t fix. And you know what? In that moment I said that with 100% conviction. Like talking to someone who was sad it was dark in their room and me saying to them then just turn on the light. She seemed to breathe a sigh of relief after that and then the dream ended. I mentioned the dream to Meg the next morning and she laughed. Meg in her l...

So that first leaving home experience wasn’t so bad huh? I ventured into the unknown and found it to be not so scary. Initially that was the case yes. That year between high school and college turned into a bit of a challenge however. I made some really silly (obviously in hindsight) decisions that led me to some experiences that put a damper on my foray into the unknown. And in the years to come I continued to stumble after that brilliant start out of the gate. But what would wisdom be without the mistakes and failures to inform us and lead us to a place of awareness if we’re so lucky? That’s the keyword however – inform. If you’re like me, then a hard head tends to batter things numerous times before the way around becomes clear. My lessons came hard and fast. I don’t go quietly – never have. It’s all or nothing, 100% conviction, damn the torpedo’s, screw convention, take the path less traveled type of strategies. Let’s flash forward a couple of decades, multiple relationsh...

I’ve been thinking about leaving home recently. No, I’m not going anywhere. It’s just that I know a couple of young friends who recently graduated high school and it got me reminiscing about the excitement I felt at leaving my own known world behind for the first time. The first real time I left home (not counting during my senior year when I went to live with my best friend for 2 weeks) was exactly three days after my high school graduation. We graduated on a Friday, had a killer all night/day party at a friends house Saturday/Sunday and by Monday I was at the airport. I was totally primed and ready to go seek my way in the world. I was heading west like so many pioneers before me. I had seen that mythical, vast, and heroic part of the USA called the Continental Divide for the very first time when I was 15 years old on a family cross country trip. Colorado, Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana. All places that were ingrained in my young psyche by repeatedly watching the old western mov...

What a lucky man I am. Yesterday I saw so clearly how truly blessed I am to have two sons. One of them is Nicholas Kai. Nick is 17 years old and a fine young man. He has experienced more in his 17 years than many people do in a lifetime. He is beautiful, kind, helpful, compassionate, smart, a great athlete and a Dreamer. He has seen that this life is his canvas and the choices he makes affects the quality of that art. People are constantly remarking on his maturity and wisdom. I love Nick so much and am incredibly proud of who he is and excited to see who he will become as a man. My other son is 13 months old. His name is Bodhi Quinn. He just mastered walking. He is an amazing little light. Last night he woke up around 3am crying and hoping to nurse. Meg has been trying to wean him from the “midnight snacks” as we call them and Bodhi has not been too cooperative. So last night I went to his room and picked him up out of his crib and sat down in the rocker and started to si...

This morning I was having a conversation with a client. I was on my cell phone and she was on hers. Where her project is located has sketchy cell service at best and when I see I have a signal and make a call I try not to move from that spot. Doesn’t always work though and often I’ll be talking and notice the other person is not responding. I wonder for how long was I going on and at what point did I lose them? That can be frustrating or humorous depending on the day. Anyway, this morning I lost my client mid-way through our conversation. As I re-dialed her she drove up in her truck. Apparently she was right down the street suffering from her own minimal-signal-bar syndrome and had pulled over so as not to lose the call. Pretty funny the strategies we adopt to keep communicating in the 21st century. How did we live before cell phones? As she got out of her truck I could sense a feeling of inner relief that we could now resume our conversation in person without fear of having ...