I had a dream the other night. In the dream I was with some friends and someone asked me about my mom and I said she was no longer with us (don’t panic anyone – she is healthy as a horse and due to be around for at least another 80 years…). More than anything else though was the feeling of that emptiness knowing I could never just stop by her house and say “hey mom”, or ask her to come over and hang out with her grandson Bodhi and then have dinner with us. The enormity and finality of her being gone hit me like a sucker punch in that dream. I was shaken. And what I woke up to was how each moment I spend with her, each interaction is precious.
Really isn’t it that way with everyone? When was the last time you looked through the eyes of total adoration and appreciation for ALL the people in your life? The ones that stress you out, the ones that soothe you. Your beloved, your co-worker, your parents and siblings. The total stranger who just cut you off in traffic. And what about us. I mean you. Will you ever know how precious this gift called Life is? Do I? Yeah sometimes I do, other times I forget. But truthfully that awareness is always lingering just below my consciousness and doesn’t take too much effort to once again remember.
I recalled two things this afternoon before I dashed out of my cave (office) and met Meg & Bodhi at the beach. First, it has been almost 48 hours since my last blog (44 actually) and I promised to write each (and every) day. I know I lied. Get over it. The second thing I remembered is how 6 years ago I met a woman who took my world and gave it a good shake. I met my beloved. And I remembered today how much she means to me and how much I love her. The passage below is something I found while in a mild panic as I was searching old writings I could sneak past the blog nazi and insert as a recent post. I thought it was totally cool to dust this off and offer it up as a remembrance to live like one day we’ll be gone. Here it is. It’s for Meg, but really for us all.
I remember the day I moved from Encinitas to Escondido to join you on our path together. It was pouring rain. Normally I would be bummed about not only moving, but that it could possibly rain on moving day.
Remember when you’ve begun relationships in the past and there is a sign or a feeling that somehow this isn’t right, or meant to be, or won’t last – just a feeling so subtle as to be unrecognized? I always had this with other relationships at the beginning. I never saw it as it flew past. Eventually it would be the downfall of a relationship.
That rainy day in Escondido, unloading a large truck at the end of the driveway, while dashing an arm load of stuff to the garage, I remember a feeling that was strong, and new. It was a feeling that this was right – this moment, this experience, this choice of being with you, was just so perfect. I could see you through the big picture window, sitting on the couch in the living room, talking on the phone to a friend. You were watching me get wet. I was watching you stay dry, and in that moment I saw myself being so authentic, so full of life, and pleasure. I had no feeling that you should be helping, or a feeling of injustice at you staying dry while I worked. I loved that you were comfortable…
That was the moment I saw how completely different I felt with you, and how completely myself I felt. I knew our togetherness was right, was blessed, was in harmony…
I felt it then at the beginning, and I feel it even more now after almost 2 years (ed. Note – it’s six years pal). I am so completely in love with our life, our dream, our love, with me and with you.
Just like being soaked from the rain, each drop a blessing, each drop saturated with love.
I adore you Megzy, long time and right now.
What if you turn to someone right now after reading this and say “thank you’!!!
Thank you for being you and in my dream. I love you.
Sweet dreams to you.
J
Really isn’t it that way with everyone? When was the last time you looked through the eyes of total adoration and appreciation for ALL the people in your life? The ones that stress you out, the ones that soothe you. Your beloved, your co-worker, your parents and siblings. The total stranger who just cut you off in traffic. And what about us. I mean you. Will you ever know how precious this gift called Life is? Do I? Yeah sometimes I do, other times I forget. But truthfully that awareness is always lingering just below my consciousness and doesn’t take too much effort to once again remember.
I recalled two things this afternoon before I dashed out of my cave (office) and met Meg & Bodhi at the beach. First, it has been almost 48 hours since my last blog (44 actually) and I promised to write each (and every) day. I know I lied. Get over it. The second thing I remembered is how 6 years ago I met a woman who took my world and gave it a good shake. I met my beloved. And I remembered today how much she means to me and how much I love her. The passage below is something I found while in a mild panic as I was searching old writings I could sneak past the blog nazi and insert as a recent post. I thought it was totally cool to dust this off and offer it up as a remembrance to live like one day we’ll be gone. Here it is. It’s for Meg, but really for us all.
I remember the day I moved from Encinitas to Escondido to join you on our path together. It was pouring rain. Normally I would be bummed about not only moving, but that it could possibly rain on moving day.
Remember when you’ve begun relationships in the past and there is a sign or a feeling that somehow this isn’t right, or meant to be, or won’t last – just a feeling so subtle as to be unrecognized? I always had this with other relationships at the beginning. I never saw it as it flew past. Eventually it would be the downfall of a relationship.
That rainy day in Escondido, unloading a large truck at the end of the driveway, while dashing an arm load of stuff to the garage, I remember a feeling that was strong, and new. It was a feeling that this was right – this moment, this experience, this choice of being with you, was just so perfect. I could see you through the big picture window, sitting on the couch in the living room, talking on the phone to a friend. You were watching me get wet. I was watching you stay dry, and in that moment I saw myself being so authentic, so full of life, and pleasure. I had no feeling that you should be helping, or a feeling of injustice at you staying dry while I worked. I loved that you were comfortable…
That was the moment I saw how completely different I felt with you, and how completely myself I felt. I knew our togetherness was right, was blessed, was in harmony…
I felt it then at the beginning, and I feel it even more now after almost 2 years (ed. Note – it’s six years pal). I am so completely in love with our life, our dream, our love, with me and with you.
Just like being soaked from the rain, each drop a blessing, each drop saturated with love.
I adore you Megzy, long time and right now.
What if you turn to someone right now after reading this and say “thank you’!!!
Thank you for being you and in my dream. I love you.
Sweet dreams to you.
J
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