For me St. Patrick’s Day came and went this year quietly and without a hangover. I know what that day means to so many and I support the celebration. To me that day has a different kind of celebration attached to it now. It is the anniversary of my marriage to Meghan. Well the first marriage. We did it three times actually over the next year. Anyone who truly knows me knows I love weddings so why not three with the one you love? So how did it happen? Listen, it’s a great tale.
I was living in California some years ago and studying with don Miguel Ruiz a Mexican shaman (who wrote a lovely little best selling book called The Four Agreements). He really helped me get to a place I had been yearning for my whole life. His assistance (and also from the unending love and guidance of my beloved teachers Rita and Barbara) got me to a place faster and deeper than all the roads and paths I wandered as a young man put together. It was magical, truly remarkable, and almost unbelievable the transformation in me that occurred in a relatively short amount of time. During this period I wasn’t really earning any income and after almost a year of intensive internal dismantling of my former self I was pretty much broke and in debt. That was ok though as I was pretty sure I could somehow work my way out of that hole. After all I created it so I suppose I could un-create it. I began packing my life up and prepared to head back East to my old home town to begin making money again. Best of all though I was beginning to feel really happy irrespective of my monetary state.
Well just around this time Meghan and I got together, fell pretty much in Love and figured it was a nice romance but short lived. She wasn’t planning on moving back east to cold winters and I had made my mind up there was no other way to extricate myself from my self created financial mess other than to move east. A bit of an impasse you could say. I was conflicted because of the wonderful connection I felt with Meg there in Encinitas and the plan I had created to start working again that meant leaving. Geez, what to do?
(Editors note: Ok some of you may be wondering, rightfully so, wasn't there any work in California? Good question. If you live anywhere in North San Diego County no one works. Surf, drink Coronas, eat fantastic Mexican food and repeat as necessary.)
One of the most valuable lessons I learned after moving to California was the ability to embrace the unknown. I first practiced at embracing those parts of me that were buried inside and had no idea what they were but somehow seemed to control my life experiences. Then I worked on all those beliefs that made Jamie who Jamie was. I practiced letting go of who I thought I was. That was interesting. If I’m not who I thought I was then who am I? Talk about a deer in the headlights! It seemed like every step of the way I was being asked to leave behind what I thought was possible, or what I thought I knew, and enter into the unknown. Most definitely terrifying at first, but the more I did it the easier it became. And each time I released a belief, a plan, a scheme, or event I was holding on to - the outcome was so much sweeter than what I could have imagined. That said, I still could be a single minded stubborn ram (ass). And was.
Now it was the end of February. I was packed up and waiting for the moving van to move me east. I had asked Meg to marry me (having had a “vision” that we were being married by don Miguel and all the elders on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán Mexico) yet had no plan for how that could or would happen. I was convinced I had to leave and head home to New England. In a conversation with Meg about the situation I found myself in she asked me a simple question that derailed my strong (ok, obstinate) belief that I had to leave California. I said, “honey, there’s only one solution here. That’s to move east and do carpentry again until I work myself out of debt.” “Really?” She smiled. “Really, there’s only one solution? Hum, that’s interesting.” And all of that conviction dissolved right then and there. I found myself going to that place of “I don’t know” going into the unknown where so many answers await.
I see so many opportunities right now to step into that unknown place with regards to the state of our world. So many good souls trying to make sense of what happened, what is happening, and how to fix it. So many uncertainties in the world right about now. What if we could just step into that unknowing place without fear or doubt or hesitation. What if we got so good at it that each time we did so it alleviated our stress and anxiety about what could happen. What if we got good at letting go? Got good at stepping out of our own way. Got really good at not believing ourselves and the news we broadcast in our own mind about how bad things are. Just for a moment we took a grand step into the Unknown…
Well. I did. I lept again with no idea what the outcome would be. And two weeks later, on St. Patrick’s Day 2003 I was married to my beloved Meghan by don Miguel, his son don Jose, and all the elder Dreamers on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán Mexico. I will for as long as I live never forget that day and the sight of this collective group of beings who let go long ago their limitations about what is and what is not possible.
I will never again underestimate the power of embracing the Unknown.
Each time I do it’s like my wedding day all over again.
Thanks for reading.
J
I was living in California some years ago and studying with don Miguel Ruiz a Mexican shaman (who wrote a lovely little best selling book called The Four Agreements). He really helped me get to a place I had been yearning for my whole life. His assistance (and also from the unending love and guidance of my beloved teachers Rita and Barbara) got me to a place faster and deeper than all the roads and paths I wandered as a young man put together. It was magical, truly remarkable, and almost unbelievable the transformation in me that occurred in a relatively short amount of time. During this period I wasn’t really earning any income and after almost a year of intensive internal dismantling of my former self I was pretty much broke and in debt. That was ok though as I was pretty sure I could somehow work my way out of that hole. After all I created it so I suppose I could un-create it. I began packing my life up and prepared to head back East to my old home town to begin making money again. Best of all though I was beginning to feel really happy irrespective of my monetary state.
Well just around this time Meghan and I got together, fell pretty much in Love and figured it was a nice romance but short lived. She wasn’t planning on moving back east to cold winters and I had made my mind up there was no other way to extricate myself from my self created financial mess other than to move east. A bit of an impasse you could say. I was conflicted because of the wonderful connection I felt with Meg there in Encinitas and the plan I had created to start working again that meant leaving. Geez, what to do?
(Editors note: Ok some of you may be wondering, rightfully so, wasn't there any work in California? Good question. If you live anywhere in North San Diego County no one works. Surf, drink Coronas, eat fantastic Mexican food and repeat as necessary.)
One of the most valuable lessons I learned after moving to California was the ability to embrace the unknown. I first practiced at embracing those parts of me that were buried inside and had no idea what they were but somehow seemed to control my life experiences. Then I worked on all those beliefs that made Jamie who Jamie was. I practiced letting go of who I thought I was. That was interesting. If I’m not who I thought I was then who am I? Talk about a deer in the headlights! It seemed like every step of the way I was being asked to leave behind what I thought was possible, or what I thought I knew, and enter into the unknown. Most definitely terrifying at first, but the more I did it the easier it became. And each time I released a belief, a plan, a scheme, or event I was holding on to - the outcome was so much sweeter than what I could have imagined. That said, I still could be a single minded stubborn ram (ass). And was.
Now it was the end of February. I was packed up and waiting for the moving van to move me east. I had asked Meg to marry me (having had a “vision” that we were being married by don Miguel and all the elders on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán Mexico) yet had no plan for how that could or would happen. I was convinced I had to leave and head home to New England. In a conversation with Meg about the situation I found myself in she asked me a simple question that derailed my strong (ok, obstinate) belief that I had to leave California. I said, “honey, there’s only one solution here. That’s to move east and do carpentry again until I work myself out of debt.” “Really?” She smiled. “Really, there’s only one solution? Hum, that’s interesting.” And all of that conviction dissolved right then and there. I found myself going to that place of “I don’t know” going into the unknown where so many answers await.
I see so many opportunities right now to step into that unknown place with regards to the state of our world. So many good souls trying to make sense of what happened, what is happening, and how to fix it. So many uncertainties in the world right about now. What if we could just step into that unknowing place without fear or doubt or hesitation. What if we got so good at it that each time we did so it alleviated our stress and anxiety about what could happen. What if we got good at letting go? Got good at stepping out of our own way. Got really good at not believing ourselves and the news we broadcast in our own mind about how bad things are. Just for a moment we took a grand step into the Unknown…
Well. I did. I lept again with no idea what the outcome would be. And two weeks later, on St. Patrick’s Day 2003 I was married to my beloved Meghan by don Miguel, his son don Jose, and all the elder Dreamers on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán Mexico. I will for as long as I live never forget that day and the sight of this collective group of beings who let go long ago their limitations about what is and what is not possible.
I will never again underestimate the power of embracing the Unknown.
Each time I do it’s like my wedding day all over again.
Thanks for reading.
J
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