I have been in a bit of a funk recently. Blame the weather. Blame the dog, the toddler, the wife, the job, the economy. Whatever. I found this inspiration for my next blog in a folder on my computer desktop called Writings. Not remembering what it was I opened it. The following conversation was transcribed from a workshop Meg & I gave a few years ago and we were discussing what romance really meant. In reading it over the funk I’ve been in lifted like the fog on the harbor this morning – just burned off from the relentless shine of the sun. Sometimes I need to remind myself of what the hell I’m really doing here. I share part of this transcript with you now. Enjoy.
J: Do you see how romance is everywhere in life? Unless you are just are a hardened person, or a criminal, or someone who has been so abused by the dream of the planet that they are cynical. We aren’t looking for cynics. Ok, so they’re cynics. Go enjoy it, have fun with it. I am looking for the romantics of the world. Closet romantics. Those people who dream of their beloved coming to them and taking an orchid and stroking their entire body with that flower. Wearing a light cotton kimono, a Japanese robe on a hot summer night and feeling the thrill of their lover as they untie the knot that holds it together. And slowly that kimono falls and parts. And it’s like mystery. It’s like looking up at a starry night in the middle of summer and the mystery of life. Don’t you see that? And in the parting of that kimono and the touch of his hand on her hip. Romance. Right there. And anyone can have it! Large, small, white, black, fat, ugly, gorgeous. It doesn’t matter. Romance is not a physicality. Romance is an inner quality. And it’s how you look at it. Everything is romantic. Everything. The walk in the morning. The dog walk in the morning and the smell of the ocean and the caw of the seagull and the light breeze blowing your hair and you feel like life is making love to you. What could be more romantic than that?
M: But how do you teach that to someone?
J: You teach it by showing examples. How do you learn anything in this life? 2 + 2 = 4. How do you learn that? They show you. They give you an example. They write the number 2 and the plus sign and the next 2, the equal sign and the 4. There is great romance in this world. Shakespeare has written some of the most romantic sonnets. Things that will blow your mind. There are books – The Bridges of Madison County – people scoffed at it. Why? Because they are cynical. They don’t believe in romance. I cried. I bawled my eyes out like Richard Simmons when I read that book. Poetry. There is great poetry. Poetry that a book called These luminous Things and there are poems in there from around the country. Rumi. Have you ever read Rumi? I grow moist when I read Rumi.
M: You’re supposed to go hard.
J: I grow hard when I read Rumi. Listen there all these great movies. Don Juan Demarco. Watch that over. You teach people the basic thing that you are going to teach people has nothing to do with romance and has everything to do with them. Who’s going to give you the opportunity to be romantic? Am I going to wait for you to be romantic with me? No. I’m going to be romantic with every aspect of my life. Brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, when I look in the mirror I don’t judge what I see. I love what I see. That’s where the romance begins. So. You have to start with people and their beliefs about themselves. It does come back to that. But you don’t linger there. You don’t spend tons of time. You say, “Look it’s your choice.” You want to feel differently about yourself, then just try it. Humor me in the next two days during the workshop, I want you to just put it on like a mask if you have to and wear and believe in it. Don’t have any doubts and don’t worry about what happens when the seminar is over and you go back to your life. Just be right here, right now in this moment and take my hand and I will lead you on the most romantic journey of your life. Are you ready?
M: I’ll sign up!
J: And this is how you do it. And it’s like a virus this romance, think about it. If it spreads, think about the romance that will be going on all around the world. People are having romance with their pets, with their parents, with their friends, with their co-workers. Every moment for each person is a romance and it’s not what you think it looks like. It’s not always someone coming and saving you, for women, or the knight on the white horse, chivalrous, and strong. It’s not going to look like how you think it’s going to look. But I guarantee you with the eyes of the romantic, everything is romantic in this world. Everything. Standing on the stoop with someone that you are so attracted too. You’ve just gone on a beautiful date and you’ve had an amazing meal, great conversation, had a bottle of wine, and you just feel like you are full. Full of love, full of romance. And you walk her to the door and you take her right to the front door and there is that beautiful moment where you are pausing, she’s pausing. And you’re not wondering, “Do I kiss her?” You’re thinking, “This is such a beautiful moment. I want this moment to last forever.” And suddenly you feel each of your bodies leaning towards one another. Your lips reaching for the other’s lips and you kiss and that first kiss is remarkable. It’s like fireworks are going off. That can happen over and over again. I’m here to tell you it happens over and over again. And that’s all. You say good night then. It doesn’t have to go any farther. You stood in the moonlight on a cold fall night saying goodnight to this person you spent 4-5 hours with. And you give the gentlest, the tenderest of kisses. And your lips touch and they melt together and then they come apart. And in that coming apart is like when you take a spoonful of honey and that last little strand of honey goes into your tea cup. Do you see? That’s enough. You don’t have to go upstairs. You don’t have to rip your clothes off. All you have to do is see the romance in that moment. And that carries the next time you talk to that person. The excitement. The giddiness. The childlike energy that you are feeling in your body is beautiful. That’s romance.
And I'll tell you that we do diminish romance once we have obtained what we think our goal is. This is the key. We always think that the goal is to possess the other person, to have the other person, to have certainty that they want to be with us forever, that we want to be with them forever. They're the one. We're the one. Their in-laws are nice. My parents are nice. It's ridiculous. That's not the goal. The goal is to keep that moment, that kiss where you separate and the honey, the strands of honey between your two lips are pulling apart gently. That moment and I'm here to tell you this, that moment is pure romance, I've experienced it and I know it to be true. For me, it's true. That moment can exist permanently between two people
M: But some people would say that that doesn’t sound like real life.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Love,
J
J: Do you see how romance is everywhere in life? Unless you are just are a hardened person, or a criminal, or someone who has been so abused by the dream of the planet that they are cynical. We aren’t looking for cynics. Ok, so they’re cynics. Go enjoy it, have fun with it. I am looking for the romantics of the world. Closet romantics. Those people who dream of their beloved coming to them and taking an orchid and stroking their entire body with that flower. Wearing a light cotton kimono, a Japanese robe on a hot summer night and feeling the thrill of their lover as they untie the knot that holds it together. And slowly that kimono falls and parts. And it’s like mystery. It’s like looking up at a starry night in the middle of summer and the mystery of life. Don’t you see that? And in the parting of that kimono and the touch of his hand on her hip. Romance. Right there. And anyone can have it! Large, small, white, black, fat, ugly, gorgeous. It doesn’t matter. Romance is not a physicality. Romance is an inner quality. And it’s how you look at it. Everything is romantic. Everything. The walk in the morning. The dog walk in the morning and the smell of the ocean and the caw of the seagull and the light breeze blowing your hair and you feel like life is making love to you. What could be more romantic than that?
M: But how do you teach that to someone?
J: You teach it by showing examples. How do you learn anything in this life? 2 + 2 = 4. How do you learn that? They show you. They give you an example. They write the number 2 and the plus sign and the next 2, the equal sign and the 4. There is great romance in this world. Shakespeare has written some of the most romantic sonnets. Things that will blow your mind. There are books – The Bridges of Madison County – people scoffed at it. Why? Because they are cynical. They don’t believe in romance. I cried. I bawled my eyes out like Richard Simmons when I read that book. Poetry. There is great poetry. Poetry that a book called These luminous Things and there are poems in there from around the country. Rumi. Have you ever read Rumi? I grow moist when I read Rumi.
M: You’re supposed to go hard.
J: I grow hard when I read Rumi. Listen there all these great movies. Don Juan Demarco. Watch that over. You teach people the basic thing that you are going to teach people has nothing to do with romance and has everything to do with them. Who’s going to give you the opportunity to be romantic? Am I going to wait for you to be romantic with me? No. I’m going to be romantic with every aspect of my life. Brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, when I look in the mirror I don’t judge what I see. I love what I see. That’s where the romance begins. So. You have to start with people and their beliefs about themselves. It does come back to that. But you don’t linger there. You don’t spend tons of time. You say, “Look it’s your choice.” You want to feel differently about yourself, then just try it. Humor me in the next two days during the workshop, I want you to just put it on like a mask if you have to and wear and believe in it. Don’t have any doubts and don’t worry about what happens when the seminar is over and you go back to your life. Just be right here, right now in this moment and take my hand and I will lead you on the most romantic journey of your life. Are you ready?
M: I’ll sign up!
J: And this is how you do it. And it’s like a virus this romance, think about it. If it spreads, think about the romance that will be going on all around the world. People are having romance with their pets, with their parents, with their friends, with their co-workers. Every moment for each person is a romance and it’s not what you think it looks like. It’s not always someone coming and saving you, for women, or the knight on the white horse, chivalrous, and strong. It’s not going to look like how you think it’s going to look. But I guarantee you with the eyes of the romantic, everything is romantic in this world. Everything. Standing on the stoop with someone that you are so attracted too. You’ve just gone on a beautiful date and you’ve had an amazing meal, great conversation, had a bottle of wine, and you just feel like you are full. Full of love, full of romance. And you walk her to the door and you take her right to the front door and there is that beautiful moment where you are pausing, she’s pausing. And you’re not wondering, “Do I kiss her?” You’re thinking, “This is such a beautiful moment. I want this moment to last forever.” And suddenly you feel each of your bodies leaning towards one another. Your lips reaching for the other’s lips and you kiss and that first kiss is remarkable. It’s like fireworks are going off. That can happen over and over again. I’m here to tell you it happens over and over again. And that’s all. You say good night then. It doesn’t have to go any farther. You stood in the moonlight on a cold fall night saying goodnight to this person you spent 4-5 hours with. And you give the gentlest, the tenderest of kisses. And your lips touch and they melt together and then they come apart. And in that coming apart is like when you take a spoonful of honey and that last little strand of honey goes into your tea cup. Do you see? That’s enough. You don’t have to go upstairs. You don’t have to rip your clothes off. All you have to do is see the romance in that moment. And that carries the next time you talk to that person. The excitement. The giddiness. The childlike energy that you are feeling in your body is beautiful. That’s romance.
And I'll tell you that we do diminish romance once we have obtained what we think our goal is. This is the key. We always think that the goal is to possess the other person, to have the other person, to have certainty that they want to be with us forever, that we want to be with them forever. They're the one. We're the one. Their in-laws are nice. My parents are nice. It's ridiculous. That's not the goal. The goal is to keep that moment, that kiss where you separate and the honey, the strands of honey between your two lips are pulling apart gently. That moment and I'm here to tell you this, that moment is pure romance, I've experienced it and I know it to be true. For me, it's true. That moment can exist permanently between two people
M: But some people would say that that doesn’t sound like real life.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Love,
J
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