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Life: Italian Style

This morning I woke up feeling just like I have the entire past month. Dog tired (even after eight hours sleep) and lacking the morning fire I’m so accustomed to. I could feel my frustration build as I mentally scrolled through all that I have to do today. It got even worse when I visited a couple of projects we have going and saw things either not moving fast enough (according to me) or done the way I wanted (again, according to me). Ahhhh. Yet again another beautiful day off to an ugly start. I mean obviously all the ugliness is inside of me as the rest of the world is clearly oblivious to my inner turmoil. That’s cool.

So I stopped by the Atomic Café for my morning cappuccino (yeah, yeah, I got it rough huh?) which Andrew so generously gave to me no charge. That was the beginning of a subtle shift inside me. Mellissa was bopping around behind the cash register and I could feel the energy just crackling off of her as she greeted customers as if each one was her favorite person in the world. Her effervescence was in direct contrast to my lethargy. Two meteors heading in opposite directions, fast. I was sick of falling. I went outside to make a few phone calls and sit in the sun.

A familiar face came up to me and mentioned how he had met my son Nick (who works at the Atomic now) and what a nice young man he was. He also spoke about his trips to Italy over the years and how surprised he was to hear that Nick had spent two years in Assisi. We spoke for some time about the beauty of Italy. I shifted slightly again.

After finishing my calls and coffee I went back in to the Atomic to talk to Andrew. Another familiar face came up and said he just got back from three weeks in Italy. I asked him why he came back. He laughed and said everyone asks that same question. He is a painting contractor in town and he said since he came back home he decided to work every day until noon and then take the rest of the day off. He said whatever he gets done by noon is all he gets done – the rest will be there for him the next day to deal with. Another shift inside me – this one bigger. I went outside somewhat altered and got on my motorcycle and headed to the lumberyard.

I was talking with a friend while there and another friend I had worked with on a crew years ago came up to me and asked me how I was doing. He said I seemed pretty stressed out yesterday when he saw me expressing my frustration over a previous lumber delivery that was missing an item. The way he said it made it seem really out character for me to be so agonized over something so insignificant. Shift. Shift. Shift. I laughed and said if he ever sees me like that again to give me a slap to remind me to relax. He chuckled and said he’d be happy to.

Now I’m in my office writing this blog – the first inspiration in almost a month. And truth be told I have a ton of shit to do that I’m ignoring to get this feeling down on paper (cyberspace). This is what I saw in the first few hours of my morning. Ready (like ready for the punch line)?

In the mastery of me I have forgotten how to master. In the continual funk that I claim to be the result of my construction business, my unhappiness not being filthy rich and my lack of total leisure time to absolutely do nothing if I so choose, I have lost sight of what is. I have perpetuated the belief that the only way I will EVER get it done is by sheer force of will. By trying to control things that don’t need controlling. By wishing things were different to point of making myself miserable. I got a reflection of Jamie today that was pretty unsettling. What happened to that guy who is free in every moment to choose and decide? What happened to living my Dream as if it is my Dream to live as I want? Why is there bitterness creeping into my world? And why do I keep looking for a different result doing the same thing over and over again? Master smashster. That’s such a set up when I see how right now I feel like I’m in canoe on a river and I have no paddle and no way to do anything but sit and float downstream. Guess what?

This morning I found a paddle. This morning I found Italy. You know what I saw about myself? I react to things from a place of tension. Sure things will always show up, no doubt. Especially in construction. Especially in LIFE. So how do I want to make myself feel? Agitated? Depleted? Frustrated? Sure that’s easy. But what if? What if I said I’m going to pretend I’m living life Italian style? Taking things as they come. Stressing less about all that I have to get done, and doing what I can each day. And being good with that.

Here’s the big one; what if I actually enjoyed myself regardless of how much energy I have (or think I should have), regardless of the weather, the progress of the job, the mistakes, the beliefs I have about “how things should be”…what if I actually enjoyed the Dream as is?

What if I said to myself the minute I open my eyes in the morning: “it’s another beautiful day on the planet earth and I’m here to enjoy all of it”. And I do mean all of it.

Hummm. Ok I can try that. I mean why not? Beats the alternative…si?

Nella vita - chi non risica - non rosica…
(In life: who risks nothing - gains nothing)

Ciao baby, ciao!

J

Comments

rick said…
Hey brother, these are two types of people in this world. Italians and those that wish they were!

Ricardo
Rosemary said…
You said it perfect Rick! Hey Jamie thank you to much. So perfect and so true. I have missed your posts. (ABOUT DAM TIME)...
Luv You ROSAMARIA
Mike, no the other one said…
Thanks for this. A day-to-day internal discussion (and sometimes external) I go through. Shift. Shift. Shift, we must.

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