There have been two common themes operating throughout my life: wheeled things. And spirituality (Ed Note: not religion).
One brings me closer to things like comparisons, competing, ego, being fit, adrenaline rushes, and dopamine highs.
The other reveals and hopefully minimizes those attributes mentioned minus the adrenaline and dopamine high. Are they compatible? Sure. Why not? But here’s the thing: with my history of riding wheeled things and the pain of crashes blended in with the rush of balancing on two wheels it’s a diminishing return for the spiritual side of things.
Falling off a 35’ cliff on my brand new Yo Eddy mtn bike when my oldest son Nick was a year old (he’s 33 now). And surviving.
Crashing mountain bikes repeatedly – torn shoulder, tweaked neck, broken digits, and various concussions led me to believe that road biking or gravel biking would be safer (minus the threat of distracted drivers of course). I’ve never crashed on the road or gravel so the data backed up the swap for skinnier tires.
But here’s the clincher: putting the time into riding my bicycle (sold all but one motorcycle) I determined I could still get fitter, still get faster and put the work in to see some incremental improvements.
But what of my spiritual fitness? Didn’t I long ago say I wanted the KOM* of KOM’s called enlightenment? Surely a lofty goal but who wouldn’t want that achievement?
(*King of the Mountain = fastest segment time on a cycling app called Strava)
Ahhh, young grasshopper. So much to still learn.
*******
Please. Read on.
How many times will we have to knock on that door, or maybe just maybe how many times is it us who actually need the knockin’ before it opens?
I am sure that when I signed up so long ago for the Growth & Evolution course the Universe offers, there would be opportunity to leave behind beliefs, stories, patterns of behavior, and make some lasting changes in my life.
Well, to a point sure. Along the way there were certainly some big and little shifts in awareness, maybe even what could be construed as progress. But here’s the thing, progress even a little bit can also breed complacency.
The idea being I’ve got a little bit of contentment going – maybe the relationship is ok, or the work scene is ok, or I’m feeling fairly healthy, or I’m still pretty fast on the bike for an old guy– things are overall ok. Isn’t it a bit of hubris to think I could boost any one of those things by being “just ok” with what is? Complacency.
What of really going deeper? What if I lived as if that ultimate and final day we all one day face was right there on my doorstep? Would I be so self-satisfied with where I am on the spiritual continuum?
And for those who know me this admission I’m about to make won’t come as a surprise. I sometimes need a good whack across the head to get my attention. Ok, honestly, more like 5 or 6 good knocks before I answer the door. Calling me hard-headed is stating the obvious.
So what happened this last time the Universe extended another opportunity to really wake up?
Something like this:
“Hey lad before your earth walk is over you may want to do a course correction. Like a full throttle about face. Whattya say?”
Something like this:
Riding my gravel bike towards home after a shortish but satisfying ride I was pushing hard on the last dirt road section before reaching home. The plan? Eat something. Upload my ride onto Strava scanning for a PR or a KOM and evaluating my power numbers. And another ride in the books.
Except going 30mph into the last hairpin corner (just like so many times before) something happened. Something didn’t go as planned. I hit the ground. Hard. Really hard. At least I think I crashed. The next thing I recall I was standing in my living room bloodied and dirty texting my wife Meghan she better come home.
The particulars:
From where I crashed it is maybe a ¼ mile to my house. I ride down a gentle grade that is the lane I live on. Stop and open a livestock gate. Close it then walk or ride the 150 feet to my front door.
I have no memory of getting home.
When my son Bodhi pulled up my Strava data later that night he was doing some calculations based on my previous times on that segment (which btw I already had the fastest time on - the KOM).
He said, “Pa you went from 30mph to 28 to 0. Then nothing happened for 7 minutes. You had no power data either from where you crashed back to the house. So were you walking your bike?”
Honestly I have no idea.
7 minutes.
Can someone’s life completely change course in the span of 7 minutes?
In those 7 minutes is it possible some really significant shift occurred? A shift in awareness? A deepening of my understanding of the fragility and randomness of this life? Greater capacity for compassion, patience, kindness, and Love? "What the world needs now?"
I’m here to say for me, that crash was a pivotal moment.
Not a doctor recommended protocol for making some systemic changes in ones life for sure – as in don’t crash hard like that.
Yet can you take the opportunity to see your own life through the prism of tenuousness, of “none of us get of here alive” mindset without banging yourself up? Absolutely.
For me however apparently not.
*******
I jokingly tell the story that in those 7 minutes I was abducted by an alien spacecraft where they probed and prodded, made some tweaks and upgrades to my operating system, then dropped me back down to earth a markedly different human being.
I mean how else can I explain the changes in me? Beats logic for sure.
A few people have approached me since the crash and asked if instead of giving up cycling altogether couldn’t I just ride more slowly? It’s like they’re speaking a foreign language. I mean yeah, I guess I could but where’s the fun in that?
See what I’m saying? I only know one speed. The lad is incorrigible. Clearly.
I haven’t ridden a bike in almost 4 months. I look at the lycra kits hanging in my closet and wonder what they’re for. I occasionally look at my old helmet in the garage and how dented up it is with dried blood still visible and feel a deep sense of gratitude for being here.
Here’s the thing: before knockin’ on heavens door I want to be damn sure I’m ready to go through it when it finally opens.
Thanks for reading.
Jamie Gilroy is a Mindset Coach working with men to unlock their fullest potential. Are you looking to tweak and improve some issues in your life? Are you interested in a free clarity call to investigate working with Jamie? Email him at:jbgilroy@icloud.com And check out his website to learn more about the work he does: https://jamesbgilroy.com
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