Weds 01/26/2010
Tonight we had a small gathering at our house as the next Nor'easter approached. The purpose was to hang out, mingle a bit over snacks and tea then sit and meditate or "Dream" as we refer to it. Meghan and I have been opening our home to friends and students one night a month to come sit, let go of the days bustle, relax and connect to source - whatever that may look like for each person.
Afterwards, I reflected on the path that led me to this moment and had to chuckle..."what a long strange trip it's been". Growing up and meandering through the public school system I was rebellious and not a particularly attentive student. I was bored mostly but got by somehow without really much effort. Let's just say authority and I never saw eye to eye. College really was a continuation of the same; minimal effort, lack of respect for the curriculum and those teaching it, decent grades, but little or no direction. Yet there was a part of me that was seeking, yearning to know myself and who I truly was and what being alive really meant.
After I left school I experienced a 180 degree shift in my antagonistic relationship with authority figures. You're dying to know how right?
It all started with my discovery of martial arts. There the hierarchy is clearly defined and there is no place for the independent rebel. You toe the line or you're politely asked to leave. There is a master or sensei who commands (demands?) respect. Often a beat down signifies an end to thinking you may know better. Suffice to say it is humbling. There is also a tremendous amount of protocol to studying martial arts. When the master says jump you don't say " F U ". You say " um how high today, sir, I mean Sensei, ahh master, sir"? I embraced this structure whole heartedly and became one of those students back in high school I used to laugh at - the ones who sat in front and always raised their hand to be called on - the teachers pet. Me? I know impossible right? Nope. Total about face. I now gave myself over to the teacher - student dynamic. 100 percent. I put my faith in someone outside of me, and asked them to show me the way.
Martial arts is steeped in Eastern philosophy and some believe they were devised to assist one in attaining enlightenment. Or at least enable one to kick someones ass and do so with compassion. Think David Carradine in the iconic TV show, Kung Fu. That character was the person I wanted to be. Yet being a seeker I was always suffering from this underlying sense that there was something more, something beyond what I was currently embracing. I went through different martial art disciplines not really sticking with any one school. Until I finally stumbled across what on paper anyway looked like the real deal - Blue Poppy Chi Kung Association.
Blue Poppy was true to the traditional Kung Fu schools of many many years ago - working with the student to make them a complete person. We learned about the internal and external arts. We studied Chinese medicine. We wandered about Boulder in bare feet and baggy black pants. It was like living the dream of my youth watching the Kung Fu series weekly and wondering if it was possible to still live like that. For the summer of 1980 I did. But still hanging out in the wings was this feeling that something bigger awaited me. My teacher Bob who founded Blue Poppy suggested I return to NYC and study with his Tibetan Buddhist teachers. Without hesitation I agreed and made the journey to meet them.
After passing the audition I began my next practice; embracing Tibetan Buddhism. Again, I put my entire spiritual growth into the hands of my guru. With 100% faith I followed this tradition with all of my belief and devotion for almost 10 years. A funny thing happens when you let another suggest how to live your life, and when there is so much blind faith involved. From where I sit now I see it as giving away one's power, or giving up responsibility for making one's own choices. It was literally like that. I said yes to whatever my guru asked of me. Eventually the pressure was too much and I was more confused and further away from my essence than I had ever been. Mind you I don't blame my guru or Buddhism for that. It was all me.
So what happened? I floundered for awhile. Riding and racing mountain bikes (and almost dying on one - another future blog that story), going through various relationships, having a son (beloved Nick), and essentially giving up on spirituality all together. Then, with what I consider the major turning point of my life, I suffered a devastating heartbreak.
And that dear readers sent me on yet another spiritual quest. And that quest introduced me to myself in a way that I had never experienced before.
To be continued...
Tonight we had a small gathering at our house as the next Nor'easter approached. The purpose was to hang out, mingle a bit over snacks and tea then sit and meditate or "Dream" as we refer to it. Meghan and I have been opening our home to friends and students one night a month to come sit, let go of the days bustle, relax and connect to source - whatever that may look like for each person.
Afterwards, I reflected on the path that led me to this moment and had to chuckle..."what a long strange trip it's been". Growing up and meandering through the public school system I was rebellious and not a particularly attentive student. I was bored mostly but got by somehow without really much effort. Let's just say authority and I never saw eye to eye. College really was a continuation of the same; minimal effort, lack of respect for the curriculum and those teaching it, decent grades, but little or no direction. Yet there was a part of me that was seeking, yearning to know myself and who I truly was and what being alive really meant.
After I left school I experienced a 180 degree shift in my antagonistic relationship with authority figures. You're dying to know how right?
It all started with my discovery of martial arts. There the hierarchy is clearly defined and there is no place for the independent rebel. You toe the line or you're politely asked to leave. There is a master or sensei who commands (demands?) respect. Often a beat down signifies an end to thinking you may know better. Suffice to say it is humbling. There is also a tremendous amount of protocol to studying martial arts. When the master says jump you don't say " F U ". You say " um how high today, sir, I mean Sensei, ahh master, sir"? I embraced this structure whole heartedly and became one of those students back in high school I used to laugh at - the ones who sat in front and always raised their hand to be called on - the teachers pet. Me? I know impossible right? Nope. Total about face. I now gave myself over to the teacher - student dynamic. 100 percent. I put my faith in someone outside of me, and asked them to show me the way.
Martial arts is steeped in Eastern philosophy and some believe they were devised to assist one in attaining enlightenment. Or at least enable one to kick someones ass and do so with compassion. Think David Carradine in the iconic TV show, Kung Fu. That character was the person I wanted to be. Yet being a seeker I was always suffering from this underlying sense that there was something more, something beyond what I was currently embracing. I went through different martial art disciplines not really sticking with any one school. Until I finally stumbled across what on paper anyway looked like the real deal - Blue Poppy Chi Kung Association.
Blue Poppy was true to the traditional Kung Fu schools of many many years ago - working with the student to make them a complete person. We learned about the internal and external arts. We studied Chinese medicine. We wandered about Boulder in bare feet and baggy black pants. It was like living the dream of my youth watching the Kung Fu series weekly and wondering if it was possible to still live like that. For the summer of 1980 I did. But still hanging out in the wings was this feeling that something bigger awaited me. My teacher Bob who founded Blue Poppy suggested I return to NYC and study with his Tibetan Buddhist teachers. Without hesitation I agreed and made the journey to meet them.
After passing the audition I began my next practice; embracing Tibetan Buddhism. Again, I put my entire spiritual growth into the hands of my guru. With 100% faith I followed this tradition with all of my belief and devotion for almost 10 years. A funny thing happens when you let another suggest how to live your life, and when there is so much blind faith involved. From where I sit now I see it as giving away one's power, or giving up responsibility for making one's own choices. It was literally like that. I said yes to whatever my guru asked of me. Eventually the pressure was too much and I was more confused and further away from my essence than I had ever been. Mind you I don't blame my guru or Buddhism for that. It was all me.
So what happened? I floundered for awhile. Riding and racing mountain bikes (and almost dying on one - another future blog that story), going through various relationships, having a son (beloved Nick), and essentially giving up on spirituality all together. Then, with what I consider the major turning point of my life, I suffered a devastating heartbreak.
And that dear readers sent me on yet another spiritual quest. And that quest introduced me to myself in a way that I had never experienced before.
To be continued...
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