Before My Last Breath

Look (for those of you who hold me to every day writing). It was a holiday weekend and I stayed far away from my office and hence my computer. Then I got sick from either: A) some nasty bout of allergies (which up until now I have successfully avoided in my life) B) some heinous on again off again lime-green-snot cold. C) a weird flu which I will call the rodent flu (why further malign pigs at this point?) where my body temp was actually 3 degrees lower than it should have been. I call it the rodent flu because you feel like a rat hell bent on just surviving by any means necessary. (Ed. Note: NOT Hanta Virus) D) All of the freaking above. This past SaturdayI rode the mountain bike for 3 hours. Next day spent in bed. Had a great Memorial day with the family and a loooong ride on Speedy, next day in the office my head starting drooping at 7am and by 4pm I was asleep and I must have slept about 22 hours. Whatever, all life keeps going anyway. Nobody really cares ...

I had a dream the other night. In the dream I was with some friends and someone asked me about my mom and I said she was no longer with us (don’t panic anyone – she is healthy as a horse and due to be around for at least another 80 years…). More than anything else though was the feeling of that emptiness knowing I could never just stop by her house and say “hey mom”, or ask her to come over and hang out with her grandson Bodhi and then have dinner with us. The enormity and finality of her being gone hit me like a sucker punch in that dream. I was shaken. And what I woke up to was how each moment I spend with her, each interaction is precious. Really isn’t it that way with everyone? When was the last time you looked through the eyes of total adoration and appreciation for ALL the people in your life? The ones that stress you out, the ones that soothe you. Your beloved, your co-worker, your parents and siblings. The total stranger who just cut you off in traffic. And what about us. I mea...

I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. I promise to write each and every day. Etc. Etc. Etc. times 100. (that's for you Syl!) Am I a liar or what? How can I possibly write each and every day? Is it possible? I have no idea. But let’s find out. It has been over a month since my last blog and I think I must have lost the handful of faithful readers by now. Or maybe I lost them long ago anyway. But listen I really am writing for myself anyhow. I love the clicking plasticky sound of my keyboard as I hunt and peck my way through this form of expression. It is music to my ears… Symbols take shape into words and those words have meaning (we can only hope) and maybe even create a feeling inside as they are read. This is my intent and my way of saying something meaningful out of all the words that escape my mouth and have littl...

Last week we took a vacation to Sedona AZ. Not that we really could afford a vacation at this time. My business is extremely slow and I've temporarily laid off some of my employees. But we had booked the tickets months ago with frequent-flyer miles and were depleted from a VERY long hard winter, so we needed a break. Yeah, so that's the story anyway. You could say that our Dream was in flux. And you could also say that Megs and I were stressed from all the busy-ness in our lives. Writing a book, raising a toddler, running a construction business - all these things are pretty much normal, but we had some unforeseen situations that compounded the stress level and in general Meg & I were acting more like business partners than co-creators of our own expansive reality as husband and wife. For me I know that I was more and more in resistance to what I was experiencing, and consequently more and more stressed out. The more I tensed up I got, the less awake I felt. The more work I...

For me St. Patrick’s Day came and went this year quietly and without a hangover. I know what that day means to so many and I support the celebration. To me that day has a different kind of celebration attached to it now. It is the anniversary of my marriage to Meghan. Well the first marriage. We did it three times actually over the next year. Anyone who truly knows me knows I love weddings so why not three with the one you love? So how did it happen? Listen, it’s a great tale. I was living in California some years ago and studying with don Miguel Ruiz a Mexican shaman (who wrote a lovely little best selling book called The Four Agreements). He really helped me get to a place I had been yearning for my whole life. His assistance (and also from the unending love and guidance of my beloved teachers Rita and Barbara) got me to a place faster and deeper than all the roads and paths I wandered as a young man put together. It was magical, truly remarkable, and almost unbelievable t...

Yeah I know. Been absent for awhile from my post (no I’m not depressed Ma). Last you heard I left for Mexico and promised a colorful re-telling of the TRIP. Maybe ya’ll thought I climbed that old pyramid of the Sun with my youngest boy and finally stepped off, was blasted into the ether, permanently merged with the infinite, only to be never heard from again…should we all be SO lucky!!! Nope I’m still here. And I will get around to telling about that place that turns mere mortals into mere mortals with Plenty of Awareness. But not today. Today I want to let you know I think I just won the lottery. Let that sink in for a sec. Right about now my phone should starting ringing like the ol’ rotary dial in the cartoons. Silence. Good. Let me explain before all the people I never knew start calling me for a bailout. I do buy lottery tickets on a regular basis. Maybe because I once got 4 out of 6 numbers. Maybe because I figure a “dollar and a dream” right? In this economy a few extra $25 mill...

i had a match, but she had a lighter i had a flame, but she had a fire i was bright, but she was much brighter i was high, but she was the sky oh baby, i was bound for mexico Cake That pretty much sums it doesn't it? Going to a place that transformed my life many years ago. Now I get to bring my youngest son there too. I'm sure there will be plenty to write about after this trip. Until then, stay warm & healthy. Lotsalove, J